If I had a dollar for every girl that found me unattractive, they would eventually find me attractive.

Would you like to try African food??

They would too.

Mama Mia’s pizzeria and abortion clinic. Your loss is our sauce.

I’ve been looking for my ex girlfriend’s killer for the past two years. But no one would do it.

I accidentally drank a little food colouring last night. I ended up dying inside.

What was Steven Hawking’s last words?

The windows xp log out sound

Roses are Red Violets are Blue I have a gun Get in the van

I was walking down the street one day and I passed the gun store. I walked in and and everything was half off. I didn’t know back to school sales had started already

Woman: Doctor, where are we going? Doctor: To the morgue. Woman: I’m not dead yet, doctor. Doctor: We’re not at morgue yet, either

Who are the fastest readers?

911 victims. They went through 88 stories in 7 seconds.

When you send her a dick pic but then she sends you one right back…

My teacher gave us an assignment and one of the questions was "What do you want to be when you grow up?" I answered “Happy”. The teacher said I didn’t understand the test, I said to her that she didn’t understand life

Why was the guitar teacher arrested? For fingering a minor.

My girlfriend broke up with me because I stole her wheelchair.

But I knew she’d come crawling back to me.

Last night in bed, I was gazing up at the stars and was thinking to myself…

Where the f*ck is my roof?

Yo mama like a penny: two faced, worthless and in everybody’s pants

What’s Bin Laden’s favourite drink? Double Manhattan.

Did you hear about the new Exorcist movie? The Devil came to get the Priest out of the child.

Leave a like Down below if you think Stephen Hawking should stand for the National Anthem

To the guy in the wheelchair who stole my camouflage jacket… You can hide, but you can’t run.