I was wondering why the frisbee was getting bigger, then it hit me.
A man walked into a library and asked for a book on how to commit suicide, the librarian responds with ”f... off you won’t bring it back!”
There was a costume party on Halloween. Everyone was there except one guy. Many people asked his brother where he was. His reply was, “Oh, he wanted to be our dad for Halloween.”
I lost my job at the bank on my very first day. – A woman asked me to check her balance, so I pushed her over.
Someone told me that you can let out all your anger by writing letters about everyone you hate and then burning them…
But I was just wondering… should I keep the letters?
Last night in bed, I was gazing up at the stars and was thinking to myself…
Where the f*ck is my roof?
A young boy enters a barber shop and the barber whispers to his customer, “This is the dumbest kid in the world. Watch while I prove it to you.”
The barber puts a dollar bill in one hand and two quarters in the other, then calls the boy over and asks, “Which do you want, son?” The boy takes the quarters and leaves.
“What did I tell you?” said the barber. “That kid never learns!”
Later, when the customer leaves, he sees the same young boy coming out of the ice cream parlor.
“Hey, son! May I ask you a question? Why did you take the quarters instead of the dollar bill?”
The boy licked his cone and replied:
“Because the day I take the dollar the game is over!”
My German girlfriend likes to rate our sex between 1-10.
Last night we tried anal, she kept shouting 9!
That’s the best I’ve done so far.
What’s black, white, and red? A nun that fell down a 100 flight of stairs. What’s black, white, and laughing? The nun that pushed her!