I was excited my teacher asked my for sex in exchange for a good grade, but then I realized I was homeschooled.

Rules of Dark humor:

  1. All subject matter can be used, nothing is off limits.
  2. No saying “Me” or “My Life” as a joke. Nobody finds those funny. We want actual good and meaningful jokes.
  3. Don’t Repeat Previously Posted Jokes. If you are saying the same joke that the person right before you posted you are just begging for attention and nobody by any means likes that. I will add more in the future and be frequent on this site.
  • Sincerely, Zane

Wanna hear some famous last words? “We are just experiencing some turbulence”

I go into get a prostate exam, I’m nervous but the doctor says its all natural and needs to be done.

So he pulls down my pants and sticks one finger up my ass. I feel it go deeper inside , feeling for abnormalities.

That’s when I realize his hands are on my shoulders.

Why was the guitar teacher arrested? For fingering a minor.

What’s the worst part about breaking up with a Japanese person

You have to drop the bomb twice before they get the message

A man walked into a library and asked for a book on how to commit suicide, the librarian responds with ”f... off you won’t bring it back!”

Children should never run with scissors and lesbians should never scissor with the runs

Why did little Timmy drop his ice cream cone?

He got hit by a bus.

I tried to explain to my 4 year old son that it’s perfectly normal to accidentally poop your pants. – But he’s still making fun of me.

Kid: but mom I don’t want to see grandma Mom: shut up and keep digging

The oldest computer can be traced back to Adam and Eve. It was an apple but with extremely limited memory. Just 1 byte. And then everything crashed.

Santa was asked to describe Mrs. Claus in three words.

His response was “Ho ho ho”

A woman gets rid of polish with chemicals and no one bats an eye The Germans got rid of polish with chemicals and everyone lost their mind

Two kids were beating up a kid in an ally, so I stepped into help. He didn’t stand a chance against the three of us.

Today I donated my watch, phone, and $500 to a poor guy. You wouldn’t believe the happiness I felt as he slid the pistol back into his pocket.

Any joke can be funny with the right delivery. Except Abortion jokes, because there is no delivery.

I have many jokes about unemployed people, sadly none of them work.

I opened a company selling landmines disguised as prayer mats. Prophets are going through the roof

if you’re ever bored, punch an orphan. what are they gonna do? tell their parents?

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