Why did Bob fall off the swing while playing? Because he had no arms. Knock Knock who’s there not bob

What rock group has four men that don’t sing? – Mount Rushmore.

New study reveals that women slightly overweight live longer… than the men who mention it.

I haven’t talked to my wife in three weeks. – I didn’t want to interrupt her.

i bought shoes from a drug dealer yesterday- i dont know what he laced them with but i was trippen all day

What happens when Stephen hawking dies? The windows shutdown sound plays.

What’s the difference between Stephen Hawking and the computer he’s hooked up to? – The computer runs.

I met a guy in a wheelchair today. His face was battered and bruised. “What happened to your face?” I asked.

“I’m a Paralympian,” he replied.

“Boxing?”

“No, … hurdles.”

The past, the present, and the future walk into a bar…

It was tense.

Why can’t orphans play baseball? They don’t know where home is

Two windmills are standing in a field and one asks the other, “What kind of music do you like?” – The other says, “I’m a big metal fan.”

English is weird. – It can be understood through tough thorough thought, though.

What do you call a dead fly? – A flew.

What starts with e, ends with e, and only contains one letter? – An envelope.

Why can’t humans hear a dog whistle? – Because dogs can’t whistle.

Why do black people only have nightmares?- because the last one that had a dream got shot.

What is the difference between butter and a blonde? - Butter is difficult to spread.

What do you call a boomerang that doesn’t come back? – A stick.

Accordion to a recent survey, replacing words with the names of musical instruments in a sentence often goes undetected.

A drunk man walked out of a bar and kept falling flat on his face. He wondered why this was until his wife spoke to him: Wife: why is your face all bloody? Husband: I was so drunk that I couldn’t stand up so I kept falling on my face! Wife: idiot. You left your wheelchair at the bar!

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