Where can you find some of the world’s largest vegetables? – In an American nursing home.

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Dark humor is like food.

Not everyone gets it.

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What is black and screams?

Stevie Wonder answering the iron.

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After God created 24 hours of alternating darkness and light, one of the angels asked him, “What are you going to do now?”

God said, “I think I’m going to call it a day.”

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I was sitting next to this really hot Thai girl on the bus and all I could think to myself was, “Don’t get an erection, don’t get an erection”… But she did.

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How can you tell if your wife is dead? – The sex is the same but the dishes start piling up.

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My friend told me he had a sister. i asked if she was hot and he said she was 8. that wasnt my question

2

Chuck Norris once heard nothing can kill him. So he tracked down nothing and killed it.

1

Accordion to a recent survey, replacing words with the names of musical instruments in a sentence often goes undetected.

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What do you call a nun in a wheelchair?

Virgin mobile.

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What do you call a short black person?

By their name, you racist.

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Damn girl, are you a smoke detector? Because you’re super annoying and won’t shut up.

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If a midget with down syndrome shows up late for work, is it okay to say she’s a little tardy?

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Tits are like Lego bricks. They’re there for the kid, but dad ends up playing with them.

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To the guy in the wheelchair who stole my camouflage jacket… You can hide, but you can’t run.

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An atom loses an electron… It says, “Man, I really gotta keep an ion them.”

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Two deer walk out of a gay bar. One of them turns to the other and says, “I can’t believe I blew forty bucks in there.”

1

How many Mexicans does it take to change a light bulb? – Just Juan.

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A mathematician stumbles home drunk at 3 a.m. and his wife is livid. “You swore that you’d be home by 11:45!” “No,” slurs the mathematician, “I said I’d be home by a quarter of 12.”

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What’s the difference between a politician and a flying pig? – The letter F.

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