My friend got mad when he caught me smelling his sister’s panties. I don’t know why he was mad, maybe because she was wearimg them, or because his whole family was watching. Either way it made the funeral a bit awkward.

“What does the word ‘gay’ mean?” asked a son his father.

“It means ‘happy’,” replied the father.

“Oh,” contested the son, “so you are gay then?”

“No, son, I have a wife.”

Last night in bed, I was gazing up at the stars and was thinking to myself…

Where the f*ck is my roof?

Would you like to try African food??

They would too.

How many times does 43 go into 8?

Get in the van and find out

Bought my son a trampoline for his birthday, the ungrateful just sat in his wheelchair and cried

Chuck Norris uses elevators only in case of fire.

Q: What did the Ice berg say to the Titanic? A: I’d hit that.

What did the boy with no hands get for his birthday.

idk he hasn’t opened it yet.

What do 9 out of 10 people enjoy?

Gang rape.

Woman: Doctor, where are we going? Doctor: To the morgue. Woman: I’m not dead yet, doctor. Doctor: We’re not at morgue yet, either

RIP boiling water. You will be mist.

What did the boy with no hands get for his birthday?

I don’t know. He hasn’t opened it yet.

Give a man a plane ticket and he’ll fly for a day. Push a man from a plane and he’ll fly for the rest of his life.

What is a similarity between a pregnant 14-year-old and the fetus inside of her?

They both are thinking “Shit! Mom is gonna kill me!”

What’s the difference between a politician and a flying pig? – The letter F.

What’s the difference between a amateur thief and a professional thief?

The amateur thief says, "Give me all your money!" The professional thief says, “Sign here please.”

I donated 100dollars to a blind children’s charity, to bad they won’t ever see a dime of it

When you send nudes to your roblox gf and your uncle’s phone sounds with a text tone…

I’ve been looking for my ex girlfriend’s killer for the past two years. But no one would do it.

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