I told the last person I slept with I was pregnant. He freaked the fuck out but calmed down after he realized it was April Fools'.
The look on my cousin's face was hilarious.
They say there is power in numbers.
Tell that to the people in the Twin Towers.
Wanna make out, Explain Bear?
Are you a blood bender? 'Cause you're making my blood go southđ¤.
Q: What's the difference between Terri Schiavo and a tomato?
A: A tomato isn't a vegetable.
Q. What's the difference between fucking a coma patient and fucking a cabbage?
A. You have to cut a hole in the cabbage.
What did the SS say when A.H. was running out of ideas?
"You Wannsee my 'final solution'?"
I know Marie Antoinette jokes aren't funny, but they're nothing to lose your head over.
I asked my friend if he would take a bullet for the last person he slept with.
He said hell yeah, I'd do anything for my sister!
Jokes about Marie Antoinette aren't funny but that's no reason to lose your head.
Why were glow-in-the-dark condoms made?
To play Star Wars.
When you hear Michael Jackson talk about his "perfect 10," make sure you hide your 10-year-old son.
The time when Michael Jackson came in his pajamas during the trial. Whether or not it was because he saw a 7-year-old boy has yet to be determined.
I asked a black man on the street if a white person paints their face black, itâs considered racist, but if a black person paints their face white, will the cops treat them better?
What do ICE and Mexican drug cartels both have in common?
They both kidnap Canadian women!
The American Dream is real. It's just set and filmed in Toronto and not Texas.
What's the difference between Jesus and a picture of Jesus?
It only takes one nail to hang up the picture.
What do you call a fat transgender midget?
Jigglypuff.
Why did the suicidal person cross the road? He was waiting for a car.
What did the bison say to his son when he left the ranch? Bi-son.
