Animal
Why can’t humans hear a dog whistle? – Because dogs can’t whistle.
Animal
What do you call a cow with a twitch? – Beef jerky.
Octopus
Why did the octopus beat the shark in a fight? – Because the octopus was well armed.
Doctor
Where do sick boats go? – The dock!
Darkness
Dark humor is like food.
Not everyone gets it.
Difference
What’s the difference between jam and jelly?
You can’t jelly your cock into a girl’s mouth.
Disabled
Why should you not make fun of a crippled person?
Because he can’t stand the jokes.
Disabled
How do you get a man with only one arm out of a tree?
Wave.
Religion
Muslims love to exaggerate, that’s why they always blow things up.
Dumb jokes
Can a kangaroo jump higher than the Empire State Building? - Of course. The Empire State Building can’t jump.
Disabled
What does a cannibal call a wheelchair user? – Meals on wheels.
Religion
I only believe in 12.5% of everything the Bible says. – Which makes me an eighth theist.
Disabled
Where can you find some of the world’s largest vegetables? – In an American nursing home.
Disabled
What lies at the bottom of the ocean and twitches? – A nervous wreck.
Bad
What do you call a stupid turtle?- retorted
Number
An infinite number of mathematicians walk into a bar. The first one orders a beer. The second one orders half a beer. The third one orders a fourth of a beer. The bartender stops them, pours two beers and says, “You guys should know your limits.”
Life
The three unwritten rules of life:
Bar
The Barman says, “We don’t serve time travelers in here.”
A time traveler walks into a bar.
Disabled
I met a guy in a wheelchair today. His face was battered and bruised. “What happened to your face?” I asked.
“I’m a Paralympian,” he replied.
“Boxing?”
“No, … hurdles.”
Disabled
What do you call a walkie-talkie for retards? – A stumblie-mumblie.