Worst Jokes Ever

Your hairline is receding so hard, they petitioned it to change for the McDonald's logo.

I piss on blind kids and tell them it's raining.

Did you hear about the lesbian midget? She probably came out of the cabinet.

Alabama's saying: It's not cheating if we’re all siblings.

“Life is going swimmingly,”

“Tell that to Whitney Houston.”

How do women hold their liquor? By the ears.

I learned how to say "virgin" in German: "Good and tight."

How does a blind person know they've wiped their ass enough?

What's red and spins really fast?

Kurt Cobain's ceiling fan.

I don't like consistency. Last night, I spent three hours looking at a room and thinking, "I need a flower pot here, and the couch should be on the right." Eventually, the police arrived and led me away from my neighbor's window.

What's the difference between Canada and the USA?

In the USA, Trump is sitting in the Oval Office.

In Canada, he'd be sitting in the waiting room of a MAiD clinic.

How does a blind person wipe their ass?

With braille toilet paper.

What's the difference between a priest and a rabbi? A rabbi cuts it off, a priest sucks it off.

What's the best response to a girl saying, 'What's up?'

'If I tell you, will you sit on it?'

What does it mean if you can remember a girl's eye color?

She had small tits.

Did you hear? There is a new toy for boys ages 2-10. It's called Jackson. A tiny white doll, with black Jackson. Get it while supplies last.

Why don’t women wear mini skirts in the winter?

Because they’ll get chapped lips.

The president of the USA is so damn stupid. His mother must have taken Tylenol while she was pregnant with him, or something.

What do the Twin Towers and genders have in common?

There were two when we were kids, but now it’s a touchy subject.

I tried being an emo, but I never got the hang of it.