Worst Jokes Ever
What did Scorpion say to the ugly person?
"STAY OVER THERE!"
How do you piss off a feminist? You rape her.
Why do trannies suck at being soldiers? Because they have a 41% casualty rate.
What's the difference between a dead hooker and an onion?
I don't cry when I'm cutting up a dead hooker.
If Pete and Chasten Buttigieg had a baby, it would be a turd covered in semen.
One day, a cop pulls a van over, and when he walks up to the window, he sees ten penguins in the back.
The cop asks the man, “Are those your penguins?”
The man says, “Yes, they are my pets.”
The cop replies to the man, “You need to take them to the zoo right now.”
So the man agrees and drives off. The next day, the cop pulls over the same van, and he walks up to the window and sees the ten penguins all wearing sunglasses.
The cop says to the man, “I thought I told you to take those penguins to the zoo.”
The man says, “I did! Today, we are going to the beach!”
Why is Hitler a better person than Jeffrey Epstein?
At least Hitler killed himself.
Why do Americans always win gold at the shooting Olympics?
Because they practice at the best schools.
Husband: "Honey, I just bought these special Olympic-style condoms!"
Wife: "Olympic-style condoms? What makes them so special?"
Husband: "They come in three colors: gold, silver, and bronze."
Wife: "Ooh, sweet. What color are you going to wear tonight?"
Husband: "Gold, of course!"
Wife: "Why don't you wear silver? It would be nice if you came second for a change."
A man is on his death sentence, and he gets to choose his last meal.
He asks his guard for a McDonald's Ice Cream, and lives a very long life. They never found a working machine.
If laziness was an Olympic sport, I'd come in fourth so I wouldn't have to walk up to the podium.
Why did Blitzkrieg work so well in France?
Because lightning always follows the path of least resistance.
What do Christmas lights and Jeffrey Epstein have in common?
They don’t hang themselves.
Why do black people have nightmares? Because the last person who had a dream got shot.
Who was most surprised by Jeffrey Epstein's suicide?
Jeffrey Epstein.
What’s the best thing about dating an orphan?
You don’t need parental consent.
Q: What do pedophiles use for allergic reactions?
A: An Epstein pen.
A young man was crossing the road when a frog called out to him and said, "If you kiss me, I will turn into a beautiful princess." The man took the frog, smiled at it, and put it in his wallet.
The frog called out again, "If you kiss me and I turn into a princess, I will live with you for a week and do everything you want." The young man took the frog out, smiled, and put it back.
Then the frog called out, "Okay, okay! I will be with you and do whatever you want forever!" The young man laughed and put it back in his wallet.
Finally, the frog asked, "What is wrong with you? I'm offering to be a beautiful princess! Why won't you kiss me?"
The young man said, "Listen, I'm an engineer. I don't have time for a girlfriend, but a talking frog is pretty cool."
Three children play hide and seek. Their names are Silence, Anger, and Parent. Anger counts. Parent hides in the trash. Silence is at the police station.
A policeman looks at Silence and asks: "What is your name?" Silence replies: "Silence." Terrified, the policeman asks: "Where are your parents?" Silence then replies: "Parent is in the trash!" The policeman then asks indignantly: "Are you looking for Trouble?" Silence replies: "No, in fact, Anger finds me."
Why does the Democratic party want the Republican party to breed rabbits?
Because Democrats are tired of paying for raisins at the grocery store.