Worst Jokes Ever
How many brewers does it take to change a light bulb?
About one third less than for a regular bulb.
A small, nervous woman steps into a hotel elevator in Las Vegas.
At the next floor, three large, burly men step in. The woman is immediately intimidated and clutches her purse tightly.
Suddenly, one of the men says in a deep voice: "Hit the floor!"
Terrified that she is about to be robbed, the woman drops her bags and collapses face down onto the floor of the elevator, cowering in fear.
The men burst out laughing and help the bewildered woman up. The speaker apologizes profusely and says: "No, ma'am, I meant hit the button for our floor!"
The next morning, the woman receives a massive bouquet of roses and has her entire hotel bill paid for. Attached is a note that says: "Thanks for the best laugh I've had in years."
I don't get why cancer is so hard to beat. My friend's already on stage 4.
What do George Floyd and Jordan Neely have in common?
Both can't breathe.
My best friend is black. It really pissed me off when my mom sold him.
Saint Nicholas is the patron saint of working girls. Call girls. Hookers. Prostitutes. And the association is a long one, going back to the very earliest legends which place St. Nick as a Greek bishop in Myra, Lycia in what is now the Turkish Mediterranean - three centuries after Christ.
Saint Nicholas is notable primarily for giving secretly to the poor, and supposedly the first to benefit were three young ladies whose poor father couldn't afford wedding or dowry to marry them off - destining them instead to a life of prostitution. St. Nick supposedly threw a bag of gold through the window to pay for the wedding but, by the third attempt, the poor father was watching to determine the identity of the anonymous benefactor. Santa outsmarted him by dropping the last bag of coins down the chimney.
So, whenever you see Santa, he always travels with his three favourite sex workers - who seemingly never grow old. On a quiet, still Christmas night you can even hear him call them.
Ho! Ho! Ho! And to all a good night.
Q. What do you call a prostitute who asks too many questions?
A. An intrusive thot.
"Sir, we noticed a 2-year gap in your resume."
"That was when I went to Yale."
"A Yale man? Well, you're hired!"
"Thanks! I really need this yob!"
Why is there a big old gay parade on one of the first days of summer?
Pride always cometh before the fall.
What's the worst thing to hear in a prison shower?
"Drop the soap, we've got you surrounded."
I donated blood today. In the future, I will try to remember that I'm supposed to donate my blood only.
Ever since convicted New York State felon Donald John Trump has taken office, the Canada-US border has been a mess of tariffs, counter-tariffs and boycotts.
And where does it end? I just got served a salad with 500 Islands in the dressing instead of a thousand. The price was the same.
I was diagnosed with a terminal disease. The doctor says my days are numbered.
Now I'm terrified of airports.
I don't joke about vegans. That would be tasteless...
I have no beef with them.
What do Jews and Black people have in common?
Living off welfare checks.
When you're sad, don't feel down about yourself. Break a leg, and you'll forget all about it.
What do you get when you combine a penis and a potato?
A dictator.
How do fat people settle arguments?
By bumping into each other to see who falls over first.
What is the best way to deal with bullies?
You shoot them.
Why was the gay boy fired from the sperm bank?
He was caught embezzling.