Yours jokes
If you're reading this, then your life means nothing...
Have a nice day! 🙂😊
I hate double standards. If you burn a body at a crematorium, you're doing a good job. If you burn a body at home, you're destroying evidence.
Your lips are so big, it turns the Grand Canyon sideways.
Dad: I'm giving all your toys to the orphan kid.
Kid: Why, Dad?
Dad: So you don't get bored.
Your mom's so fat, when she entered a fat contest, they said, "Sorry, no professionals!"
You're so short, when it rains you're the last one to know.
You're so ugly that when you were born, the doctor threw you out the window, and the window threw you back.
Where is the worst place to lock your keys in your car?
The anti-abortion clinic because you have to go back in and ask for a coat hanger.
When someone says you're adopted, say, "But you're still at the orphanage."
Are you my fish? Because you're supposed to be dead.
Rape jokes like cancer jokes or AIDS jokes are just humorous wordplay. If you don't agree, send me your details, and we'll see if you prefer actual rape to a harmless rape joke... YOU SAD SACKS OF HUMORLESS SHIT MUNCHERS!
Don't you just hate when you have to eat cereal with water because your dad won't bring the fucking milk? Cause same.
Today in 3rd grade English, the teacher asked the kids a question, "What turns on when you take your clothes off?"
Little Elsa blushed and screamed, "You can't ask that!"
The English teacher repeats the question and Elsa screams, "I'll tell my parents on you and get you fired!"
Finally, Little Tim raises his hand, "The shower, ma'am."
The English teacher clapped her hands, "Good job, Tim, and as for you Elsa, you do not have the body for that."
Are you a bullet? 'Cause you're stuck in my head.
You're more likely to be killed by a cow than by a shark.
What's the difference between depression and your ex?
Depression fucks you harder.
Last week I felt so high and mighty I thought I could fly. I took one shot, puffed through my pipe, and jumped in the air on a trampoline. I woke up in heaven.
I asked an angel, "How did I die?"
"Well, little monkey, you thought your bed was a trampoline and you hit your head. Your mom called the doctor, and the doctor said you were dead."
Bro, I thought your hairline was the Dorito logo.
Two hunters were walking through the forest one day. Their names were Johony and Papa.
All of the sudden, Johony passes out. The other hunter panics and dials 911. The emergency responder says “911, what's your emergency?” The hunter replies “My son just passed out and I don’t know what to do! I think he might be dead!” The emergency responder replies “Before you do anything, make sure he is dead.” The phone goes silent and then the responder hears a gunshot. The hunter gets back on the phone and says “Ok, now what?”
- Dude, what is your favorite rapper?
- He is very cold-blooded.
- Why?
- He is Ice Cube.