Yours jokes
Your family is so cheap that they won't even pay for the child support to keep you.
Your family is so messed up that they shared one brain cell to have you even exist.
I think someone left trash at the doorstep. Oh, wait, it's your parents dropping you off at the kid's store.
You're more depressing than your own abortion video.
Why do Jews suck at mugging?
Because all they ask for is the spare change in your pockets.
When you're sad, don't feel down about yourself. Break a leg, and you'll forget all about it.
Australia needs YOUR help!
ISIS brides are coming to Australia! They need to go back to where they came from. Help us before they blow us up like the terrorists they are!
How can you tell what kind of emo you are?
By how deep the cuts are on your forearm.
Are you gay? "No." Oh, so you're not happy? "No." Oh...
I love your hair today.
How did you get it to come out your nose like that?
What’s something you can say about your clothes but not your partner?
It’s just a rental.
Your teeth split faster than your parents' divorce settlement.
Which hole talks faster? Your mouth or your ass? Can't tell the difference because they both run shit at once.
In geometry class, the teacher went up to the board and drew a 23-degree angle.
She then drew a 67-degree angle. The class was astonished when the angles started talking! The first one said, "That's a lovely blouse you're wearing," and the second one chimed in, "And I love what you've done with your hair."
The students asked the teacher if she knew what was going on. She sighed and said, "Well, these angles are supposed to be complementary, but I guess they don't know how to spell."
A father tells his 10-year-old son...
"Sprinkle a pinch of gunpowder on your cereal every morning and you will have a very long life."
His son followed his father's advice every morning without missing a day until he died at the age of 186, leaving behind 28 children, 67 grandchildren, 148 great-grandchildren, and a 7-foot crater where the crematory used to be.
What do you say to your sister when she's crying?
"Are you having a crisis because people say 67?"
Remember: Alcohol doesn't solve your problems, but neither does milk or water.
Kim Jong Il: Knock knock.
Political Prisoner: Who's there?
Kim Jong Il: Boo.
Political Prisoner: Boo who?
Kim Jong Il: Boo hoo? Don't cry just because I executed your wife and enslaved your children. You at least get to eat today, my friend.
You are so skinny, you probably wipe your butt with floss.
When you're asked to tell a crazy story, but the first thing that comes up to your mind is a suicide attempt:
"Oh, I don't remember anything in particular. 😅😀"