Yours jokes
1, 2, Freddy's coming for you.
3, 4, better lock your door.
5, 6, grab a crucifix.
7, 8, stay up late.
9, 10, never sleep again.
I love this song, y'all! Like if you love it too! :)
What kind of fruit can fix your toilet?
A plum-mer.
Yo mama is so nasty that she sucked your dad's dick and came in to kiss you goodnight.
Your momma is so fat, she eats insulation and thinks it's cotton candy.
Why are hurricanes like women? Because they come into your life, take nearly everything, and leave.
Knock, knock!
Who's there?
Your.
Your who?
Your hoochie coochie stinks.
Halal!
Is it meat you're looking for?
Son: "Mom, am I adopted?"
Mom: "Yes."
Son: "Where are my real parents?"
Dad: "We are your real parents, so... GET OUT!"
What is the difference between a prostitute and a wife?
A prostitute will fulfill your needs with your money; a wife will fulfill her needs with your money.
Pro marriage tip: Let your wife know you’re all about women’s rights. There’s no reason she needs to talk that much; it’s not like replying to her is voice activated.
Pro marriage tip: Let your wife know you’re all about women’s rights, especially the right to remain silent, because all appliances should be silent.
Teacher: "What's your name?"
Student: "Hang on a second."
10 seconds later:
Teacher: "Is something wrong?"
Student: "Hang on a second!"
20 seconds later:
Teacher: "Don't say a word!!!"
Student: "Hang on a second!!!"
Teacher: "Come here and tell me your name right now!!!"
Student: "Hang on a second!"
Teacher: "Don't call for help!!!"
Student: "Just listen to me!"
Teacher: "Go on, speak!"
Student: "Hang on a second!"
Teacher: "Don't push my patience; this is no joke!!! Tell me your name right now!"
Student: "Hang on a second!!!"
One woman said to the other, "This child is truly cruel!"
The second woman replied, "Did I say 'child'?"
The first woman said, "I beg your pardon; I didn't know you were my father!"
Putin is so obsessed with territorial expansion, he’s even trying to annex your mama’s bedroom.
You think your friends get butthurt?
That's gay guys.
If you’re bored, just punch an orphan.
What are they going to do? Tell their parents?
What is the difference between gross and kinky according to a Canadian?
Using a toothpick to remove human feces between your teeth after licking another person's ass is gross, but performing a blowjob on a man who is well-endowed while he is eating a tuna fish sandwich, with maple syrup instead of mayonnaise, is kinky.
What do you and Quasimodo have in common?
You're both hideously ugly and hide in the dark.
You're so ugly that you made Hitler commit suicide.
Your taste in men is like my taste in humor: dark.