Yours jokes

So a guy gets a motorcycle with authentic leather seats, and the dealer tells him, "Dude, the rain will ruin the seats. Get it under something if it starts raining, and worst-case scenario, put Vaseline all over the seats to make it waterproof." So he goes to his girlfriend's house that night for dinner, and before he goes inside, she says, "Listen, this is your first time meeting my parents. We have a rule: the first one to speak has to do the dishes." So he walks inside and sees a mountain of dishes, over three months' worth, because no one has spoken, and the stench is awful.

During dinner, he concocted a plan to get someone to speak, so he started doing all of this crazy shit to try and get someone to speak. Not a peep. Eventually, he grabs his girlfriend, bends her over, and starts going to town. Still nothing. The parents are outraged but not speaking because they don't want to do the dishes. After about a minute of this, he walks away and does the same to her mum and starts going to town. Now the dad is pissed and just staring him down with daggers. At that moment, it starts to rain. He remembers his motorcycle is out in the rain, and he grabs the Vaseline out of his pack pocket, and the dad goes, "FINE! I'LL DO THE DISHES!"

An ugly, poor teenage girl found a genie lamp in her backyard. The genie said, "I will grant you 3 wishes, but under 1 condition."

"What is it?" she asked.

"After I grant your final wish, you have to have sex with me," the genie replied.

"Okay, for my 1st wish, I wish to be the prettiest girl at my school," the genie snapped his fingers and made her pretty.

"For my 2nd wish, I wish for my family to be rich," the genie snapped his fingers and told her her family is now the richest in town.

"And your final wish?" the genie asked.

"I wish I had a sabertoothed vagina."

Roses are red, violets are blue, You missed your lesson today, so you are gay.

Your mom, bro! XD Roasted! Lmfaoooooooooo!

Your hairline is so far back, even the slaves can't plant that shit back.

You're so fat you need butter to get in the car.

Your momma is so fat, she eats insulation and thinks it's cotton candy.

What do you get when Cayden steals your sandwich? A knuckle sandwich.

What’s the worst joke ever? Your parents’ relationship.

Your mom is so ugly when she tried to enter the ugly contest, they said they don't allow professionals.

Brother: Your nuts!

Sister: What do you mean? You're the one that has the nuts!

Your life.

What is the difference between a bag of chips and a gun?

If you pull one of them suddenly, everybody wants to be your friend.

Your mama is so old that she forgot her donkey on Noah's Ark.

Go to the replies, look at the top and it will say "in your mum."

Hey, I broke up with your girl.

-Me: What? Why?

Wait, what?

-Me: You f**ked her, so it's your baby.

Hello, are you there?

Yes, who are you?

My name is Watt.

What’s your name?

Watt’s my name.

Yes, what is your name?

My name is John Watt.

John What?

Yes, are you Jones?

No, I’m Knott.

Will you tell me your name?

Will Knott.

Why not?

My name is Knott.

Not what?

Not Watt, Knott!

*hangs up*

Your mum eats cabbage.

Your hairline goes so far back that it has no records of it happening in history.

If every time someone faints when they see your face and I get 1 cent, I would be a trillionaire.