Yours jokes

Is Google a male or female?

Female because it doesn’t let you finish your sentences before making a suggestion.

What's the difference between kinky and perverted? Kinky is when you tickle your girlfriend with a feather, perverted is when you use the whole bird.

Friend: How dark IS your humor?

Me: It started an organization against cops.

How do you get a black kid to stop jumping on your bed? Put velcro on the ceiling.

Using modern day technology you can produce music with a Tesla coil. I don't know if you heard it, but it is quite shocking and even electrifying. I can't tell if it is metal or techno, but it is more valuable than joules. It really amps up your blood pressure and has you saying watt the whole time. It is way better than current music.

Like if your dad is abusive.

Life is like a box of chocolates, it doesn't last long if you're fat.

joe: Are your mom and dad nice?

zozo: Well, they were until I murdered them over a bottle of Pringles.

joe: Oh, so you are an orphan and a murderer.

Why is the bible like a penis You get it forced down your throat by a priest

How do you know when your girlfriend is too young?

You have to make airplane noises to get her to open her mouth.

Sorry.

Your spelling is more morbid than any of these jokes.

My sisters ask me, "Are you really a virgin?" I say, "That's nun of your business!"

Does your shoe have a hole in it?

No.

Then how did you put your foot in it?

Roses are blood red, violets are twilight-hued; your blood was delectable, and so was the rest of you.

How can toilet paper decorate your house?

Shit sticks everywhere.

- I think you're EGGcellent.

+ Wow... You really CRACK ME UP with that joke. I think you're a EGGxtraordinary comedian.

- Really? Are you done yet?.

+ Are you kidding? I have a DOZEN of them.

My doctor is a very attractive woman; gorgeous face, nice boobs, smoking hot body. She said to me, “You are in your 50’s now, you have GOT to stop masturbating.” I asked why. She replied, “Because I’m trying to examine you, ya’ pervert!!!”

What’s something you can say about vacation, but not about your girlfriend?

Next time I’m bringing all my friends.

What's the difference between your mom and a laundromat washer?

The washer doesn't take loads for free.

What's the difference between a grenade and your wife? There's none. Take out the ring and half of the house is gone.