Yours jokes

Life is like a box of chocolates, it doesn't last long if you're fat.

How do you know when your girlfriend is too young?

You have to make airplane noises to get her to open her mouth.

Sorry.

joe: Are your mom and dad nice?

zozo: Well, they were until I murdered them over a bottle of Pringles.

joe: Oh, so you are an orphan and a murderer.

Your spelling is more morbid than any of these jokes.

My sisters ask me, "Are you really a virgin?" I say, "That's nun of your business!"

Does your shoe have a hole in it?

No.

Then how did you put your foot in it?

Roses are blood red, violets are twilight-hued; your blood was delectable, and so was the rest of you.

- I think you're EGGcellent.

+ Wow... You really CRACK ME UP with that joke. I think you're a EGGxtraordinary comedian.

- Really? Are you done yet?.

+ Are you kidding? I have a DOZEN of them.

How can toilet paper decorate your house?

Shit sticks everywhere.

My doctor is a very attractive woman; gorgeous face, nice boobs, smoking hot body. She said to me, “You are in your 50’s now, you have GOT to stop masturbating.” I asked why. She replied, “Because I’m trying to examine you, ya’ pervert!!!”

Don't you just hate it when your grandmas always complaining about things getting stuck between her false teeth, like my foreskin?

A teacher says, "If you have one dollar and your parents give you 5 dollars, how much do you have?"

Everyone raised their hands except for a little girl in the front, but the teacher called on her anyway.

The girl said, "My parents left me, so I would have one dollar."

You need to eat makeup on the inside because, friend, you're so ugly and you're not even pretty on the outside.

A son tells his father, "I have an imaginary girlfriend."

The father sighs and says, "You know, you could do better."

"Thanks Dad," the son says.

The father shakes his head and goes, "I was talking to your girlfriend."

When the quiet kid gets angry and the sped kid sees your hiding spot.

Bing, bang, boom!

What does a cigar and a hamster have in common?

Both are completely harmless until you put it in your mouth and light it on fire.

Knock, knock.

"Who's there?"

Not your dad.

Even people who are good for nothing have the capacity to bring a smile to your face, like when you push them down the stairs.

I was walking till I saw a kid sitting on the street. I walked over there and said, "Where are your parents?" He cried even more.

Oh, I just love talking to orphans.

Your mom said, "Can you get to the dick game?"