Yours jokes

How can toilet paper decorate your house?

Shit sticks everywhere.

A child and a child molester walk into a forest together. The child turns to the molester and says, "Boy, these woods are scary." The molester says to the child, "You think you're scared? I have to walk out of here alone."

I joined ISIS to help my self-esteem issues.

Everyone kept telling me, "You’re the bomb!"

If you're fat and transgender, then would you be considered trans fat?

Dagger. This is to get your attention, for Dagger Jr. and I. We'd like to speak with you, and possibly Lynx, if we can find a time to all talk.

What's the difference between a grenade and your wife? There's none. Take out the ring and half of the house is gone.

What's the difference between your mom and a laundromat washer?

The washer doesn't take loads for free.

How to escape your black school teacher in detention?

(Easy)

Turn off the lights!

You're so scary that even your hairline ran away.

Bro, your hairline is so far back not even Dora the Explorer can find it!

What's the difference between your birth and 9/11?

One was planned.

Your hairline goes back to when your dad left you.

Your hair is so far back, you left it at your last address.

Guy: "Can I tell you a joke?"

Spiderman: "Yes."

Guy: "You only have 11 months on your calendar."

Spiderman: "Why?"

Guy: *holds up knife* "Because I murdered May."

Christopher Walkin: "This is a literal universal remote! It actually controls your life! You can pause, you can rewi-"

Me: power button.

An American bully goes up to an English kid and says, "You're ugly!"

And the English kid says, "Well, wanna know why you can't play Jenga?"

"Why?" says the bully.

"Because you haven't got a tower."

A nickname to call your short GF:

Little ankle biter Master Yoda Hasbula My little Ewok

There was a solar eclipse at school and we missed it, but it was alright. Your mum went to NASA and recreated it herself.

What do women and KFC have in common?

After you get done with the thighs and breasts, all you have left is a greasy box to put your bone in.

What do Santa Claus and Bill Cosby have in common?

They both come while you’re asleep.