You're jokes
Your mama is so stupid, she bought tickets for Xbox Live.
Roses are red. Lemons are sour. Open your legs, so I can devour.
I can see my future in your forehead.
"Man, your jokes about homicide are totally killer!"
What did the taco say to the Sea Turtle? I like your shell!
Roses are red, your cities are gone, I am Thomas the thermonuclear bomb.
Why is it so hard to choose between buying a Subaru or a Volvo? Because you’re deciding whether you want to look like a rapist or a pedophile.
Like this if one of your family members is emo!
roses are red, unlike the rest, I'm the one who has your IP address.
Kid: What is the biggest mistake you made in your life?
Parents: Go look above the bathroom sink.
Kid goes and looks, but then he realizes.
Why can orphans never be kidnapped?
No one can tell them that "your parents said that they would be delayed and I was told to pick you up."
Me: "Comment if you love yourself and give me a reason."
Friends: comments give reason.
Me: "Notice how I commented nothing."
Day later:
Mom: Let me see your TikTok.
Me: Shows her the video.
Mom: calls suicide.
JK, she just beat me for posting a video on her.
What is the difference between a prostitute and a wife?
A prostitute will fulfill your needs with your money; a wife will fulfill her needs with your money.
What's the best thing about Alzheimer's?
You can hide your own Easter Eggs!
What happens when you make an asían girl squirt?
She charges you 10 cents for extra sauce.
If mistakes make people human, then your parents must have been alligators before you were born.
billie: hi.
me: You wanna hear a story?
billie: Yes, sure.
me: Once upon a time, I ran over your dog last night.
Son: Dad, do you remember your first blowjob?
Dad: Ohhh yeah, I do!
Son: How did it taste?
Dad: Get out.
My phone battery lasts longer than your relationships.
A man is with his friend in a bar.
The friend, out of the blue, asks, "Hey, what's your body count?"
Nervous, the man looks away.
The friend then says, "I'm talking about sex."
The man then turns back and mumbles, "Oh... I thought you saw inside the basement..."
"Wait, wha..."
"What?"