You're jokes
Like this if one of your family members is emo!
Kid: What is the biggest mistake you made in your life?
Parents: Go look above the bathroom sink.
Kid goes and looks, but then he realizes.
Why can orphans never be kidnapped?
No one can tell them that "your parents said that they would be delayed and I was told to pick you up."
Me: "Comment if you love yourself and give me a reason."
Friends: comments give reason.
Me: "Notice how I commented nothing."
Day later:
Mom: Let me see your TikTok.
Me: Shows her the video.
Mom: calls suicide.
JK, she just beat me for posting a video on her.
Your mama is so stupid, she bought tickets for Xbox Live.
Memes
Pov: you drop your pizza while eating by the river
What happens when you make an asían girl squirt?
She charges you 10 cents for extra sauce.
If mistakes make people human, then your parents must have been alligators before you were born.
billie: hi.
me: You wanna hear a story?
billie: Yes, sure.
me: Once upon a time, I ran over your dog last night.
Son: Dad, do you remember your first blowjob?
Dad: Ohhh yeah, I do!
Son: How did it taste?
Dad: Get out.
The doctor told me I had aids. I said, "It's your fault, sister."
My phone battery lasts longer than your relationships.
A man is with his friend in a bar.
The friend, out of the blue, asks, "Hey, what's your body count?"
Nervous, the man looks away.
The friend then says, "I'm talking about sex."
The man then turns back and mumbles, "Oh... I thought you saw inside the basement..."
"Wait, wha..."
"What?"
The ones you hate most are also the ones who are by your side most.
"I know that everyone is allowed to act stupid once in a while, but you’re really abusing that privilege."
Little Johnny walks in on his grandfather smoking a cigar.
“May I smoke a cigar?” asks Johnny.
The grandpa replies, “Well, does your dick touch your asshole?”
Johnny replied, “No,” and left the room.
The next day Johnny sees his grandpa getting into a car.
“Can I drive the car?” asks Johnny.
“Does your dick touch your asshole?”
“No.”
The day after that, Grandpa sees Johnny about to eat a cookie.
“Johnny, may I have some of your cookie?” asked the grandpa.
“Does your dick touch your asshole, grandpa?”
“Yep.”
“Then go fuck yourself, this is my cookie.”
An American and an Asian walk into a bar. What are your names? the bartender asks. The American says, "William Matthews." The Asian says, "Same Ting."
When you hear Michael Jackson talk about his "perfect 10," make sure you hide your 10-year-old son.
Roses are red, I have a blister, holy shit did you just cum in your sister?
What does your mum and Istanbul have in common?
They are all insane comebacks!!!
Roses are red, violets are blue. Your dad is gay, so are you.