You're jokes
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Mother!
Mother who?
It's your mother.
"Abracadabra! Alacuzam! See that woman? She’s now a man."
"After the man got some sun, I turned this banana into a gun! Now look! I now have your phone, Apple Watch, and your credit card!"
You: OMG I CAN'T BELIEVE ALL THE KRAP THEY HAVE BEEN THROUGH!
The other person: Who?
You aka answer: Your Butt cheeks.
What's an orphan's least favorite day? Take your kid to work day.
Bf: Babe, do you love me?
Gf: Of course, why do you ask?
Bf: I heard that your mom passed away, and I went to pick some roses for you to try to cheer you up, and then I remembered why I went to the garden.
You’re so short you would need a lift to kiss your bride.
If you take your dog for a walk and you BOTH use the fire hydrant down at the corner...you might be a Redneck!
How can you help a llama on holiday?
Alpaca your bags.
What's the funniest thing about being ringside at a UFC fight?
When you look around and all of the spectators are wearing white gowns and fuzzy socks, and you realize you aren't at a UFC event, you're watching your fellow patients fight to the death at a psychiatric facility.
What's the difference between a priest and customer service?
At least you can call customer service and tell them how your experience was.
The farmers were playing chess, and the winner shouted and said: "I killed your horse!"
The second quickly left, and when he returned he said: "We have poisoned all your cows!"
Roses are red, violets are blue, You're so flat we can play chess on your chest!
I have no problem with prostitution.
It's like an Air BnB for your dick.
Your momma is so slutty, they hired her as a condom tester.
Your hairline goes so back that it’s ingrained in history.
Your hairline goes so far back that it has no records of it happening in history.
Your forehead is so big, explorers mistakenly thought it was Mount Everest.
There's a new Viagra and prune juice diet that's out.
Unfortunately, you can't tell if you're coming or going.
Nah, did your barber catch a seizure while lining you up?
Pro marriage tip: Let your wife know you’re all about women’s rights. There’s no reason she needs to talk that much; it’s not like replying to her is voice activated.