You're jokes

Your mama is so fat, even God couldn't raise her spirit.

The police gave you a fine for not fixing your ugly hairline.

Your mum is so fat, when she roleplayed Wonder Woman, she couldn't fit in the invisible jet.

Cars are like bullets; you jump in front of one, and they solve all your problems.

You ever look back at your ex and are like, "Wow! What was I thinking?"

Then I start to think I was the problem :(

Just kidding, fuck that asshole!

Something you can say about your furniture, but not your partner: "Those legs sure hold a lot of weight."

My cousin: “How’s the lemonade stand supposed to run when you’re at softball practice?!”

Me: “Lemonade stands can’t run, dufus.”

For Charlie D'Amelio fans, my basement is your home now. Leave a like if you agree with me.

Bro, go work at McDonald's. Your hairline inspired their logo!

Peter: *curses* Sam: Wow, do you kiss your mother with that mouth? Peter: Ha, joke’s on you! I don’t have a mother.

Tony, having a heart attack: ASFJDHJWNSGREGEJDHFWVWHUSYSG PETER, WE TALKED ABOUT THIS!!!!!!!!!!!!

Don't ever say your life is a joke because jokes are actually funny.

At a party, a young wife admonished her husband, "That's the fourth time you've gone back for ice cream and cake. Doesn't it embarrass you?"

"Why should it?" answered her spouse. "I keep telling them it's for you."

Doesn't having depersonalization mean that you're like the animatronics off of FNAF/Five Nights at Freddy's?

(If you don't know what depersonalization is, look it up.)

Me: I know a good 9/11 joke, but it would probably go over your head.

The Twin Towers: No, it won’t.

Kid: Knock, knock.

Orphan: Who's there?

Kid: Not your parents.

What do visiting Goatman's Bridge and a bungee jumping accident have in common?

You hear a snap, and suddenly you're falling from a bridge.

An orphan boy at my school did really badly on a test and started crying. I said, “Don’t worry, your parents won’t say anything.”

Friend A: Do you like Wendy's?

Friend B: Yes, why?

Friend A: Wen-dez nuts in your mouth!

Why do y’all do this?

Because you're lonely.

You're so fat that when you got to McDonald's, they had to call Wendy's for backup.