You're jokes
Where would the next Formula race happen?
Answer: On your flat chest.
Your hairline is so bad, not even God could save it.
Your mom is so fat that the photographer had to go to the moon just to click the photo of her belly button.
Your dad died of hunger on the journey to find the milk.
I saw your mother get into a white Ford Taurus on the corner of Milton and Halliburton, and you're still trying to tell me she ain't got no job cause she "can't get a ride to work?"
Knock it out, you poo-a-loo, go get your loo.
Does your cat scratch you?
Yeah, I need [to] give him payback, but now he won't respond.
"Yes?" she inquires with a knowing smile. "May I help you?"
"I was wondering," whispers the man, "are you the one who gives the handjobs?"
"Yes," she purrs, "I am."
The man replies, "Well, wash your hands, I want a cheeseburger."
"I hear you asking, 'What's your favorite instrument?' The Trombone."
Your dad must be a mailman.
He: I'm Nike, and you're McDonalds.
She: Why?
He: 'Cause I'm doing it, and you're loving it. :)
Your head looks like a joke.
People say your body is 75% water, while mine [is] 100% full of coffee.
My dog got mad at me for touching his toy. He said, "Get your paws off my toy!"
How can you help a llama on holiday?
Alpaca your bags.
A dog talks to another dog and says,
"Wow, you're a hot dog!"
A: What's the difference between a toilet and a washing basin?
B: I don't know.
A: Then I guess your house looks beautiful...
B: ...
What’s the difference between depression and your ex?
Depression fucks you harder.
Blessed Brian, your secrets are safe with me... because I wasn’t listening when you told them.
What did the rapper say to his broken pencil?
"You're just not SHARP enough for my lyrics!"