You're jokes

I tried to explain to my 4 year old son that it's perfectly normal to accidentally poop your pants. But he's still making fun of me.

Father: "I don't trust you. You poured your seed in my daughter's belly."

Son: "But Paah, you can't fire me."

Father: "You're lucky you're my brother too, or I'd kill you."

A guy once went hunting at a Hunting Ranch owned by a Hunter and his Wife. After a long day of hunting, the hunter enjoys a couple of cold ones in Rancher’s Living-room. There they were having a grand ole time until the Rancher’s wife walks in. The Hunter looks at her and says “that’s a nice piece of ass you got your self there.” The Rancher replied “(with a harsh southern accent from years of cigarette smoke) You’ve never been so right in your life, honey why don’t show our guest your tits.” She agrees and then shows the hunter her plump DD cup breast. After he gets a good gander he says “Nice.” Then Rancher shouted “show em yer peker now Hon.” She agreed and whipped out a 13inch Johny, and twirled it around like how an Elephant would move his. Now dazed and confused the Hunter yells out “What in Sam Hill is that!!” and the Rancher replied “Now....Lemme tell you..There ain’t a thing like it”.

As a son, I was starting to do pranks. I told my mom’s boyfriend that she cheated on him and she doesn’t want to be with him anymore, and I told him that my mom said that he had a small penis. He left my mom, and she was mad at me. I thought it was funny.

Then I told my friend’s girlfriend that he cheated on her with another girl, and the girl told me that my friend had a small penis. He found out and wanted to confront me in my house. I wasn’t home. My friend told my mom what happened. Then my mom said the same thing happened to me. I came home one day, I saw my mom giving my friend a blow job. I asked what’s going on. My friend told me, "Your mom is my new girlfriend," and my mom said, "This is the penis of my dreams."

What do you do when your cat's dead?

Play with the neighbor's pussy instead.

If all the class are straight but you think that someone is hiding that he's gay, you're an investiGAYtor.

I was walking down Main Street when I saw a child.

I told him, "I will give you 20$ if you get my balls back from the vet."

He replied, "Why did they take your balls sir?"

"Beer plus going to the vet does not work well for everybody, especially when you're a furry."

Mom: Daddy, stop!

Me: No!

Mom: Ok, I just wanted you to do it like your father.

Roses are red, violets are blue, a face like yours belongs in a place worse than a zoo.

"what's that on your wrist?"

"I'm a cutting board. duh"

Why is it illegal to do reverse cowgirl in Alabama? You never turn your back to your family.

Your dad's penis was chopped off at the age of 2.

Your forehead [is] so big [that] every time you shout, your forehead starts pulsing.

Knock knock.

Who's there?

Not your dad.

The other day I took my Grandma to one of those fish spas where the little fish eat your dead skin. It was way cheaper than having her buried in the cemetery.

Your hairline got pulled back. You look like you've been climbing Chris, and you got smacked up by Will Smith.

If you have a twin sister, do you have the same name? Only if your mom and dad give you the same name.

Your hairline is so far back, it was in a different time zone on a flight with you.

Incest.

When your genealogy chart is a straight line.

Do you get jealous of your clothes when they hang from the line?