You're jokes

The girl asks her boyfriend, "Are you jealous of my heart?"

He says, "No."

She says, "Because it's pumping in me and you're not."

When you're sad, don't feel down about yourself. Break a leg, and you'll forget all about it.

If your wife has boxes and boxes ending up at your front door from her online shopping habit, tell her that you’ve only had one box through the marriage and that she should be happy.

“If you're a dwarf and you're offended by that, grow up.”

When your crush walks in class, but you're homeschooled...

Fat person: "Hey, what's up?"

Friend: "Your blood pressure!"

Motivational Quote for today: If you're feeling tired and ugly today, cheer up, you probably won't feel tired tomorrow morning...

"Pull down your pants, pull out my willy, stir your guts round like a hot bowl of chili."

The only thing drier than these jokes is your mom.

Your hairline was sponsored as a Snap Chat Filter.

This is how big cats were named.

"I HATE BIG CATS. THAT ONE IS A LIAR, THAT ONE IS A CHEATER. THE ONE IS A POO-MA."

"Lion. Cheetah. Puma. You're getting a promotion."

If your parachute fails midair, remember, you have the rest of your life to fix it.

Dad: Son, do you want to play Rock 'Em Sock 'Em Robots?

Son: Sure, let me get it from the closet.

Dad: No, bring your sisters. Just like the game, they can’t move their legs.

If your corona test shows two lines, is that then positive or negative?

What’s worse than finger banging your sister?

Finding your dad’s wedding ring.

Me: Do you eat your cereal with water? You: No, why? Me: 'Cause your dad never came back with the milk!

Roses are red, Get on the ground, Gimme your stuff, Get ready to drown!

What does a race track and your hairline have in common? They both go up and down.

What’s the difference between your dad and your hairline?

Nothing, they both ran off.

When you find out your wife had a miscarriage,

So you start singing "It’s the best day ever!"