You're jokes
How do you turn a cat into a fish?
Tell your girl not to wash down there.
I will remember my auntie's last words: "If you shoot me, your p-nis is small!"
(gun shot)
As an older brother, I always gave my little sister advice. I always said to do your best and never quit. So one day I went to her room. I see my sister giving married men blow jobs.
I ask what are you doing? The married men said she is giving us blow jobs because our wives don't do it. My sister said you told me to do your best, and my best is to suck them dry. As a brother, I couldn't be more prouder.
What did one plane say to the other?
"It’s been a long day, I’m ready to crash."
Other plane: "No you’re not, we haven’t even gotten high yet!"
Do you know your E?
You're E tarded.
Tell an emo, "Do you get jealous when your phone dies?"
If you're ever bored, punch an orphan. What are they going to do? Tell their parents?
Even people who are good for nothing have the capacity to bring a smile to your face, like when you push them down the stairs.
All of the sudden, if you're Republican, you're racist, and Communism is a symbol of freedom? What happened to the proud men our founding fathers were, damn it!
You're so fat,
when you stepped on the scale,
Buzz Lightyear came out and said,
"To infinity and beyond!"
When your mama went to Sea World, the whales started singing, "We are family, even though you're fatter than me!"
Muslims don't need weed, they've got the Koran.
You burn that sh*t and you're gonna get stoned.
You are so ugly when you gave birth to your baby, you gave it carpet burn.
What's the difference between you, your uncle, and your dad?
One didn't go in the closet.
Your dad went to the shop to get milk, came back, went again, but never came back due to a car crash due to an itchy rash.
Your forehead is built like the Indian flag.
You're do annoying like your fucked up hairline.
If you go broke, you could always rent parking garages on your huge ass forehead.
A black dude shows up to a job interview for a watermelon farmhand gig, resume full of fried chicken joint experience. The boss asks, "Why should I hire you?" He stutters, "Uh, I got skills in... uh..." Before he can finish, a hulk-like, veiny, muscular, giant transgender man storms in, straps him to the interview desk with velvet cuffs, drips hot wax on his back from a candle shaped like a massive dick, and rams his ass relentlessly while whispering, "Welcome to the team, bitch. Your probation starts now."
Hey, wake up. I just murdered your family, but I live alone.
Then who are these people in your house? They are people in my house? Well, not anymore, dumb bitch. You're welcome, you could have died.