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Student

  • Little April was not the best student in Sunday school. Usually she slept through the class.

    One day the teacher called on her while she was napping, “Tell me, April, who created the universe?” When April didn’t stir, little Johnny, a boy seated in the chair behind her, took a pin and jabbed her in the rear. “GOD ALMIGHTY!” shouted April and the teacher said, “Very good,” and April fell back asleep.

    A while later the teacher asked April, “Who is our Lord and Savior?” But, April didn’t even stir from her slumber. Once again, Johnny came to the rescue and stuck her again. “JESUS CHRIST!” shouted April and the teacher said, “very good,” and April fell back to sleep.

    Then the teacher asked April a third question. “What did Eve say to Adam after she had her twenty-third child?” And again, Johnny jabbed her with the pin. This time April jumped up and shouted, “IF YOU STICK THAT F*****G THING IN ME ONE MORE TIME, I’LL BREAK IT IN HALF AND STICK IT UP YOUR ARSE!” The Teacher fainted.

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  • Harry Potter

  • Hey girl, do you like Harry Potter?

    Because I want to wingardium leviosa up that skirt, alohamora those legs open, and aqua erupto inside of your leaky cauldron.

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  • Life

  • Yeah man! Life is wonderful! But, when you realize all of the ones you loved were fake.

    And when you die, does your online friends notice? How will they notice? Or will they ever notice? Is 13 age too young for dying? Am I just paranoid? I'm scared.

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  • Abortion

  • The daughter walks up to her father and asks him, "Dad, can I ask you something?"

    The father says, "Of course, what's your question?"

    The daughter replies and asks, "How do you feel about abortion?"

    The father says, "Why don't you ask your sister?"

    The daughter replies, "I don't have a sis-"

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  • Momma

  • Boy, your momma so ugly she’s denied from the homeless parties in the dumpster.

    Quiet kid, your momma so funny she made a joke pop out her a*s.

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  • Handjobs

  • A man walks into a restaurant. The waitress hands him a menu and it says: "Hot dog: $2, Hamburger: $5, Blowjob: $10."

    He asks the waitress, "Are you the one who gives the hand jobs?"

    She says, "Yes, I am."

    He tells her, "Good. Can you go wash your goddamn hands? Because I want a hot dog."

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  • Boy

  • A young orphan boy goes to school for the first time. A bigger boy comes and punches him. He says, "What are you gonna do, cry to your mommy?" The boy cries.

    Next morning, he wakes up and comes to school. The same thing happens, but the older boy brings his friends. This time, after he says, "You gonna tell your mom?", the little boy says, "Yes, I will tell them that there is company coming over."

    Blowjob

  • Did you know "bj" ends with "job" because if you are giving a man a blow job, it sucks? But if you’re giving it to a woman, it's called "eating out" because it’s a privilege.

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