You're jokes

What did the lady say to Michael Jackson on the beach?

"Excuse me sir, but you're in my sun."

It's only okay to beat up a dwarf when they walk up to your wife and say, "Your hair smells nice."

Him: What's the difference between Incestry.com and Ancestry.com?

Her: What?

Him: Nothing, either way you will be dating your cousin.

You remind me of a snowflake, beautiful and unique. One touch and you're wet.

Your legs are just like Oreos! I wanna split the ends and eat what's in between.

I'd tell ya a poop joke, but you're my favorite turd.

A plane is going to crash. There are four passengers and only three parachutes. All the staff are safe and are gone, leaving the passengers. Ryan Reynolds is the first. He says, "My fans need me," and jumps. Donald Trump takes another and says, "I am the smartest president," and jumps, leaving one. There is a pope and a boy left. The pope says, "Child, my life is over and yours has just begun, take the last parachute." The boy replies, "Don't worry - Donald took my backpack."

A kid has an older brother that’s a very popular lifeguard. He sees all of the people that talk to his brother, but he’s fairly ignored. So one day he asks his brother why everyone likes him so much. His older brother says, “Well, all you gotta do is stick a potato in your pocket.” So the next day the boy goes back to the pool and he has a potato in his pocket, but everyone is avoiding him even more now. At the end of the day he goes up to his brother and asks why it didn’t work, and his brother says, “Dumbass, you were supposed to put it in the front!”

Your mamma so fat she has to use the equator as her belt.

Singing in the shower is fun, until you get soap in your mouth.

Then it's a soap opera.

You're so ugly, when your mom dropped you off at school, she got a fine for littering.

Hey girl, do you like Harry Potter?

Because I want to wingardium leviosa up that skirt, alohamora those legs open, and aqua erupto inside of your leaky cauldron.

Roses are red, violets are blue, A face like yours belongs in a zoo. Don't worry, I'll be there with you, But not in the cage, but laughing at you.

Don't you just hate when you have to eat cereal with water because your dad won't bring the fucking milk? Cause same.

If you don't like orphan jokes, WHY THE HELL ARE YOU ON HERE??!!! WE DON'T ACCEPT YOU HERE!

If you saw an orphan, could you say where your parents at? And if they cry, just say, "hey here are your parents" then grab nothing. Perfect example.

Your mum sat on a phone, and she turned it into a pancake.

Q. What makes music on your hair?

A. A headband!

Can I put my balls in your jaws?

When you commit suicide in your house, that's suicide, but when you commit suicide outside, you failed your parkour.

What's the best time to hang out with an Indian? When your nose is clogged.