You're jokes
I once saw a one-handed man in a second-hand store. I told him, “I don’t think they have what you’re looking for, sir.”
Emma Watson gets hotter and hotter in the Harry Potter movies when you’re watching in reverse order.
Did you make your bed this morning? Wanna unmake it together?
Are you a blanket? Because I love it when you’re on top of me.
"Stupidity isn’t a crime, so you’re free to go."
On Halloween you better hide your candy, or else there will be a fella named Big Dick Randy.
Me: Do you eat your cereal with water? You: No, why? Me: 'Cause your dad never came back with the milk!
Motivational Quote for today: If you're feeling tired and ugly today, cheer up, you probably won't feel tired tomorrow morning...
According to unofficial sources, a new simplified income-tax form consists of only four lines:
1. What was your income for the year?
2. What were your expenses?
3. How much have you left?
4. Send it in.
If you're bored, just go hit an orphan. What are they gonna do? Tell their parents?
Your teeth are so yellow, you spit butter!
What’s worse than finger banging your sister?
Finding your dad’s wedding ring.
Fat person: "Hey, what's up?"
Friend: "Your blood pressure!"
Roses are red,
Potatoes are brown,
Your mom's so hot,
I put her down.
Q: What do you get when you cross a donkey with an onion?
A: A piece of ass that brings tears to your eyes.
What do you call a person with no arms or legs at your front door? Mat.
Your face is a joke.
Your mama so fat, when Pennywise said, "We all float down here," he saw her and suddenly knew he was mistaken.
Yo, sis, come here.
Sis: What?
Me: Oh, sorry, you doing school?
Sis: Yup.
Me: Can I go?
Sis: No way, you're going to hug me.
Me: I love you.
Grandma: Most people your age have a family and are married. Why aren’t you?
Grandchild: Most your age are dead. Why aren’t you?