You're jokes
You're so poor that you die and go to the backrooms.
Dentist: “This will hurt a little.”
Patient: “OK.”
Dentist: “I’m having an affair with your wife!”
Wipe your feet before entering, but in Stephen Hawking's case, it is "Wipe your wheels."
What's a saying you shouldn't tell an epileptic?
Seize your moment.
A Catholic Priest and a Rabbi were chatting one day when the conversation turned to a discussion of job descriptions and promotion.
"What do you have to look forward to in way of a promotion in your job?" asked the Rabbi.
"Well, I'm next in line for the Monsignor's job," replied the Priest.
"Yes, and then what?" asked the Rabbi.
"Well, next I can become Bishop," said the Priest.
"Yes, and then?" asked the Rabbi.
"If I work real hard and do a good job as Bishop, it's possible for me to become an Archbishop," said the Priest.
"O.K., then what?" asked the Rabbi.
The Priest, beginning to get a bit exasperated, replied, "With some luck and real hard work, maybe I can become a Cardinal."
"And then?" asked the Rabbi.
The Priest is really starting to get mad now and replies, "With lots and lots of luck and some real difficult work and if I'm in the right places at the right times and play my political games just right, maybe, just maybe, I can get elected Pope."
"Yes, and then what?" asked the Rabbi.
"Good grief!" shouted the Priest. "What do you expect me to become, GOD?"
"Well," said the Rabbi, "One of our boys made it!"
I know them all, just like you keep busting onto your computer keyboard, that's why it's always got sticky keys
George, when I saw your face, I had to shoot you with a Nerf gun. If you died, wimp.
You're so ugly that even the World Trade Center got a better transformation than you.
Your hairline dates so far back like when your dad left.
You're the reason the middle finger got created.
A man walks into a bar and sees a piece of steak on the ceiling.
The cashier says, "If you can grab it, your meal's free!"
The man then said, "Nah, the stakes are too high."
Your hairline's so ugly it made Michael Jackson lean back.
Whenever the hungry cannibal performs amputations, he says,
"Thank you for your donation!"
All these oranges, but you're still the one for me.
One night my brother asked me, "Am I a pro gamer?" I said, "No, you're not a Pro-grammer."
You know you’re getting fat when you sit in the bath, and the water in the bath rises.
"Hello, this is your captain speaking. We are flying at a level of 89 feet. If you look out of your window on the left, you will see the World Trade Center."
What's the difference between your dad and a boomerang?
The boomerang comes back.
What's handsome and smart, you can hear him and see him? It's you good-looking guys! So sad you can't read this since you're blind. Oh geez, I just found this website and I want to make people laugh. Too bad they can't see the joke.
Sans: Pap, your spaghetti is bonearific.
PaprUs: Sans, no. Aw, your funny bone is not working; come on, that one was a rib tickler.
This guy looked down the aisle and asked, "Hey, are those kids all yours?" And I replied: "No, I work for a condom company, and these kids are just all of my complaints."