You're jokes
Your hairline's so bent, it goes west, east, north, and south!
Boss: You're fired.
Me: *turns in my gun and my badge*
Boss: You're a waiter. Where did you get those?
Robin Hood [hands over stolen fortune]: here you are, my poor friend.
Friend: Wow thanks, I'm rich!
Robin [narrows eyes]: You're what?
So, a man goes to church and is dipped in water three times by a Priest as he says, "From now on your name is Michael, and you will shed your sins of gambling and alcohol."
Soon after, the man heads home and rushes to the fridge to grab a can of beer. He turns on the sink and dips the beer can in the water three times while saying, "From now on you will be known as Not Alcohol."
Just ask your dad.
If you’re having a bad day, just punch an orphan.
Who are they going to tell? Their parents?
What did the shoe tell the feet?
"Put me on your feet!"
When you're lonely, watch a scary movie. You won’t feel lonely anymore!
Your mom's so fat, she doesn’t need internet, she’s already world wide.
Your momma is so fat, when she got in the Pacific, she became the Pacific Ocean.
Your mama's so ugly, she got everything for free.
Your mom was dating a boy that had a twin brother, but she did it with the wrong one.
You're so skinny you never gain weight. You're so skinny you're a thin stick.
What do you do when you're sad?
Nothing, because you are just crying about something happening to you.
Even people who are good for nothing have the capacity to bring a smile to your face, like when you push them down the stairs.
Your hairline goes so far back even history can’t record it.
Don't give up on your dreams...
Keep sleeping.
You're so tall that you are a measuring tape.
You signed up for football, but you're no good.
Your mom is so ugly, you look like her. Oh, got 'em!
I can tell you used to be friends with your hairline, cuz it goes way back.