You're jokes
Me: Are you an orphan?
Orphan: Yes, what gave me away?
Me: Your parents.
What do you call a guy at your doorstep with no arms or legs? Matt.
Police: Where do you live? Child: With my parents.
Police: Where do your parents live? Child: With me.
Police: Where do you all live? Child: Together.
Police: Where is your house? Child: Next to my neighbor's house.
Police: Where is your neighbor's house? Child: If I tell you, would you believe me?
Police: Yes. Now tell me. Child: Next to my house.
Police: ... Child: 😊
Police: *Proceeds to beat the life out of the child*
How do you know when your wife is dead?
The sex is the same, but the dishes pile up.
Your hairline is so bad that you have a humongous forehead.
Dude, people gotta stop letting 9/11 jokes fly around like bro, you're gonna make my brain explode!
"911, what’s your emergency?" I asked, listening to the quiet sobs of a little kid on the other end of the line.
“I think my daddy want to kill me,” the girl said and cried, making me freeze on the spot as I recognized my daughter’s voice.
A Chinese guy said to his friend: "I saw you fucking your donkey yesterday."
His friend: "No, that's impossible, it's too hot inside."
If you're ever bored, just punch an orphan.
What are they gonna tell their parents?
I got a bowl of rice that you're formed like, an ice cube.
Your hairline [is] so bad even your mama left you.
Your hairline goes so far back even Dwayne Johnson refused to sit there.
Your hairline is so bad, when people see the back of your head they say "nice beard!"
Your hairline is back, people say. "Look at this dude."
What do Emos say to each other?
"I like your cuts, G."
Roses are red, Violets are blue, Your daddy is gay, So are you!
What’s Queen Elizabeth’s pickup line?
You’re breathtaking!
Do you mix concrete for a living? Because you’re making me hard.
Your breasts remind me of Mount Rushmore – my face should be among them.
Are your ankles having a party? Because I think your pants should come on down.