You jokes

Me: Why did the bus drop his ice cream?

Sanity to live: I don't know?

Me: He was run over by Timmy!!!

Sanity to live? *dies*

Me: *At edge of bridge* Wow, sweet view.

Sanity to live: *resurrected*

Narrator: Sometimes a bridge is all you need...

(sponsored by jumping bridges)

Is your refrigerator running? "Yeah, I guess." Well, you better go catch it! Haha, I'm a girl, it's funny!

Are you from Tennessee? Because you're the only ten I see.

What Happens When You Get Caught On Fire?

— You Lost To Slmebody When You Were Playing Hide And Seek, And The Place Where You Got Caught Was Exactly On A Patch Of Fire.

What did one droplet say to the other?

"Water you thinking?"

Do you think the ocean is salty because the beach never waves back?

What do you call a no "r"-med T-rex?

A T-ex.

Did you hear about the shark that ate a key shop?

I think it got lockjaw after that.

The baby water bottle said to the mommy water bottle, "Mommy, I lost my teddy bear." The mommy water bottle said, "Why don't you RECAP on what you said?"

My friend thinks he is funny.

He told me that the only food that makes you cry is an onion, so I threw a coconut at him.

What do you call a male ladybug?

Trans.

What do you call a person that guards a Samsung store?

A Guardian Of The Galaxy :)

You wanna know what's a concept? An orphan being homeschooled.

Friend: Hey, did you catch that game last night? I did, it was so good! After that I went to Kane’s, because Kane's is amazing! What did you do this weekend? I did-

Me: Dude, are you the Terms and Conditions? Because I don’t give a fuck about what you say.

What do you call a cow that has been shot?

Holy cow!

Why can’t you run in a campground?

Because it’s past tents.

I would tell you a story of my dad... If I knew who he was.

Did you ever walk into Stephen Hawking's house?

Answer: No, neither did he.

What are you doing, son? It has been an hour, and you are still in front of the mirror closing your eyes.

Mum, actually I want to see how I look while sleeping...

What do you call a cow that sleeps?

A bulldozer! 🐄💤