You jokes

What do you call a lesbian dinosaur?

Lickalotofpuss.

How do you blindfold an Asian?

You use dental floss.

How do you make holy water? You boil the hell out of it!

"Did it hurt when you fell from Heaven? You're adopted. Haley says she likes me more than you."

You know what would be the best last thing to say before you die? "No, you certainly can't." JFK's assassin certainly can!

So in prep class, the students were asked to write a letter to their grandparents for Grandparents Day.

Little Johnny's friend, Little Sally, wrote things like, "Thank you," and, "You are so nice!" And Little Johnny goes, "What are you doing? You got it wrong!" So Sally says, "What do you mean? It's a letter." Little Johnny says, "Why did you do it like that? Just write a letter from the alphabet like the teacher said!" Then he says, "I wrote a J to remind them of me!"

What do you call a dead fly? -- A flew.

What do you call women's rights: A blank sheet of paper.

In Saudi Arabia, our pick up lines are, "Girl, are you a terrorist? Cuz you da bomb."

Q: I'm a famous athlete and I've got a lot of fans.

A: Is that why I never see you sweat?

When someone calls you, say "Welcome to Joe's Pizza Abortion Clinic, your loss is our sauce."

I want an almond-flavored biscuit. Amaretti? You bet I am!

What do you call an elephant and a rhino mix?

Helliphino!

What do you do when your dishwasher stops working? Slap it on the arse and tell it to keep going!

Julius Caesar walks into a bar and orders a Martinus.

The bartender asks, "Don't you mean Martini?"

Julius Caesar says, "No, I only want one."

What do you call a three-humped camel? Pregnant.

Three guys are in the woods, a really smart guy, an average guy, and a really dumb guy. They're bored, so the smart guy decides to go hunting. A little while later he comes back with a deer. The average guy asks, "How did you do that?" The really smart guy says, "I see deer tracks, I follow deer tracks, I see deer, I shoot deer." The average guy says, "I think I understand," and leaves. A little bit later he comes back with a raccoon. The really dumb guy goes *gasp*, "How did you do that!?" And the average looks at him funny and says, "Well, I see raccoon tracks, I follow raccoon tracks, I see raccoon, I shoot raccoon." The super dumb guy thinks for a second and says, "Oooohh, ok, I think I can do that..." and leaves.

Hours pass, and the guy finally returns, hurt, bloody, and horribly mangled. They run to help him. Finally, one of the guys asks him what happened. This is what he said: "I see train tracks, I follow train tracks, I see train, I shoot train. But train keep coming."

What do you call Hitler in a pool? Adolfin.

When do you go to the store?

UVUALA!!!!!

"I had a great day today." "Why?" "Because Allison was frustrated at her calculator and started banging it on the side of the table and the teacher screamed, 'Allison how would you like it if I banged you on the table?'"