You jokes

Have you ever been to the ocean? Well, the smokers out there probably only seaweed!

How do you stop a baby from crawling on the floor?

Nail one hand to the ground...

How do you stop it from crawling in circles? Nail the other hand to the floor.

When the emo kid looks at you and says, "Fuck you," run!

How many babies does it take to paint a wall red?

It depends how hard you throw them.

Are you a nation leader or an email deleter?

Okay, roses are red, violets are blue, Barney looks better than you.

Q: Did you hear about the Twin Towers?

A: No, what happened?

Q: Apparently, the design was fundamentally floored!

I would have told you about a chemistry joke, but I wouldn't get a reaction.

What happens if you sit under a cow?

You get a pat on the head.

"Bippity Bobbity Boo, Boo Radley is coming for you!"

What happens when you eat salmon with Nutella?

You get salmonella.

Yo, Rob, you forgot to pay me cause you sucky sucky my thang.

AKA, you're up for adoption.

What do you call a Mongolian swindler?

A Khan artist.

What do you call a man shopping? A half-grown carton of cheese.

Imagine being named Colby and you burn yourself.

Does anybody know the similarities between a Rubik's cube and a penis?

I don't know the whole answer, but I do know that the more you play with it, the harder it gets.

Hey John, how are you going?

Helium, yeah good, what about you?

(Hey Liam)

To you, Iron Man may seem cool or awesome, but to me, he is pretty ironic.

When you go to your girlfriend's house but accidentally go into her dad's room and fuck him anyway.

This is a big joke, so yeah, you can't tell me what to do. This joke is funny, so laugh, okay?

Now that you're done laughing, let me say a joke... Get it? There was no joke! Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahhahahhahhaha lololol so funny, I'm ninja!