You jokes
Sleep and death are alike; it's just with death you don't wake up.
Oh, sweetheart, you brighten me.
Guys, I know this is kinda weird, but everyone who wants to... Put your name and your age in the comment section. Not address though because that would not be good for creepers... Lol I am Lucy and I am 15 years old. What about you guys? :D
What do you call an overly clingy child?
A tumor.
When is the last time you picked up the phone?
Memes
Friend 1: How come when you say "apart" your lips move apart, but when you say "together" they move apart?
Me: Maybe your lips want a divorce.
What can't a sniper say to his wife?
"I missed you."
When you go to the priest's basement, you will always find the pope's body and his children in the corner of the room.
— Can I borrow a book [on] how to kill myself?
— Librarian: No, because you won’t bring it back.
I was dying when I called my sister and she said, "Hi, this is Pepperoni's pizza and abortion clinic; your loss, our sauce. How may I help you today?"
What do you call a flying pig?
Fiction.
You die. LOL!
What do you call a cow with no legs?
Ground beef! Hahahahahaha!
Orange you glad you are not a comedian?
Why would you not let an elephant sleep in the same bed with you?
Because they stink and now the room smells like elephant shit.
There are 2 dads and 2 sons. They all caught a fish.
Why did they only come home with 3 fish?
(Answer)
There were a grand-dad, dad, and son.
If you don't get it, then it means grand father is the dad to the dad (1 dad). Dad is the dad for the son and a son for the grandfather. Get it?
What do you call a crazy-in-every-way sister?
A sissy.
You’re so short, you must need a ladder to reach your advice and dreams.
My friend has a shovel made of gold. I guess you could call him a gold digger.
Your computer just went in my bathroom and took a shit because you put too much chili in the bowl.