You jokes
What do you call a booty that can sing?
A crack-up!
Your hairline is so far back that if you were a backbencher in class and I was a germ sitting on it, I would think that the rest of the backbenchers are seated in front of the class.
A fat homeless person begged me for food, so I said, "I can see your dinner. You had plenty!"
10/7 is probably a spinoff of 9/11.
You can't convince me otherwise.
How do you make a mime cry?
You kill his family right in front of his stupid face.
Memes
A mathematics professor arrived home at 3 am drunk.
His wife was up waiting for him.
"You said you'd be home by 11:45!" she yelled.
He responded, "No my dear, I said I'd be home at a quarter of 12."
You know my first name, but don’t worry about it; you’ll only be screaming my first.
What's the difference between a cop and bacon?
Bacon is full of fat and makes you feel good. A cop is full of shit and will make you feel their hot steamy cock as they ram it up your ass with some justice sprinkled on top.
How is tightrope walking like getting a blowjob from someone ugly?
If you want to enjoy either, you absolutely can’t look down.
What do you call a rapper with bad credit?
Lil Borrow.
Did you get your phone from the desert? No wonder why your texts are always so dry.
What do you call a child with no family?
Names.
What is the difference between Jesus and a picture of Jesus? You can hang the picture with just one nail.
Knock knock.
Who’s there?
My name is Ach.
Ach who?
Bless you!
What do you call a fast boat?
Usain Boat.
What do you call a swimmer from Iraq?
A bath bomb.
Are you the Twin Towers? Because I'd smash.
I hate it when I go to the shop and people are like, "Oh, hey what are you doing here?"
Me: "Oh, you know, just hunting elephants."
Teacher: "Do you guys want to get in trouble?"
Kid named Teacher: *
What do you call someone without a body and a nose? Nobody knows.