You jokes
How many times can you subtract ten from one thousand?
One; after that you're subtracting ten from 990.
What did the human say to the fly when it was buzzing around the human's head?
"Would you stop bugging me!"
What has one head, one foot, and four legs? A: A bed.
Q: Did you hear the joke about the roof? A: Never mind, it's over your head!
Q: How many letters are in the alphabet? A: 11. A-L-P-H-A-B-E-T.
Take a water bottle, shake it, you got piss.
Hey y'all, you want to read something funny? Then look up "Greater Tuna" OID and read the script. It's the best. I'm performing it for an OID (Oral Interpretation of Drama) and it kicks ass. Check it out. Also, the name I'm using is my Roblox Username. Friend me.
Memes
Hi, welcome to Dave's Orphanage, you make 'em, we take 'em!
On my signal, I would like you to drive onto the pavement (sidewalk) and run over my ex-wife.
What did the orphan say when he first played Sims? Dang, you can have a family!
How to make the kissing in a tree recognizable: me and you k.i.s.s.i.n.g., tree sitting, wedding, love, then comes love, then comes baby in the carriage, then hate comes, divorce and purse.
FEW!!!!!!!
What flavor do you buy an orphan?
Self raising.
You know I really love going to school and meeting my crush.
All I have to do is go to the Africa section.
What's the difference between you, your uncle, and your dad?
One didn't go in the closet.
When you hide in the girl's bathroom so the school shooter won't go in there: 😃
When you notice that the school shooter is female: 😟
What do you call a Scottish Muslim with drug problems?
(Said in a Scottish accent) "Amaffmaheed."
A sister went to her brother's room and says,
"I'm scared, can I sleep with you?"
"Yes, sis."
"What is this?" (pointing at his dick)
"My pet snake."
"Can I pet it?"
"Yes."
He wakes up in a hospital.
"What happened?"
"Your snake spit on me, so I bit his head off."
"You dummy!"
"Whaaat?"
Like, if you hate wearing a mask.
Every time I'm out in public, and I see someone without their mask, I always feel like there is something extra special about them. Then I realize that I can see all their face!
True story by the way.
What did the fork say to the cake when he said, "I hope you get eaten?"
Fork off!
So a mom went to her kid and said, "If you pray to God, He will give you your sight back." So he did exactly that.
The next morning, the mom heard a scream, so she went to the kid's room and asked, "What's wrong?" The kid replied, "It didn't work!" The mom said, "April Fools!"
What do you give a dog with a fever?
Mustard, it's the best thing for a hot dog!
Want to hear a dad joke? Look in the mirror. You get the joke.