You jokes

Life is like a raisin cookie you expected to be chocolate.

Disappointing.

Little Johnny said to his mate, "I bet I can make you swear." His mate said, "Good luck." So Johnny told his mate that he slept with his sister. His mate yelled, "I'm gonna fucking kill you!"

Why are orphans so sad?

Because every time they swallow, they think... "You should have Mom."

What do you call a group of emos?

The Suasied Squid.

Hey... you kind of a sussy baka 😍😍🥵🥺🥰

You must have been born on the highway because that's where accidents happen.

What do you call a flat emo?

Cutting board.

I thank God that I'm not as ugly as you.

When you see someone with a double chin that’s sad:

Hey come on, man, keep your chin up. Wait, which one?

Obama: It smells like UpNigga in here...

Trump: What's UpNigga?

Obama: Omg did you say the n word?? Die!!!

If you are a banana, why don't you eat a banana?

Oh right, you'd be a cannibal. I mean a banan-i-ball.

Why did the cake say to the scammer? "I'll scam you up!"

Would you rather date me or a lady?

I laid deez nuts in your mouth.

Me: *Calls friend* "Dude, I just fell off a 50-foot ladder!"

Friend: "Bro, you ok?!"

Me: "Yeah, lucky I only fell off the first step!"

Attention, everyone: I will be leaving this website. Thank you everybody who has been nice to me. Maybe I’ll come back in the future, but for now: Goodbye.

Man, we all have the one cool sibling, then the strong sibling, and then you, the one who plays on their iPad or computer all day. Then, when you are on vacation, you are doing nothing at all.

How can you tell a blonde likes you? She ducks you two nights in a row.

Guys, if you saw a post from someone pretending to be me, don't listen to them.

I'm just going to be out for 3 days, or maybe for a month break. There are a lot of fakers.

What egg do you buy an orphan?

Free range.

Teacher: What do you want when you grow up?

That depressed kid in class: Dead.