You Jokes

This is not a joke, Tom. I'm asking you to leave me alone, stop being sexual, I don't like you.

What do you call an idiot?

An absolute imbecile.

That shit was trash. You can't handle me.

Hold up. Aren't you Nathaniel B.?

Roses are red, violets are blue, when I saw you I thought you can mix too.

What do you call an orphan taking a selfie?

A family portrait.

How do you cause an African parade?

You just carry a water bottle around and hold it up!

Your hairline is so bad that you have a humongous forehead.

Little Johnny says: “Mom, you know that lovely vase in the dining room that’s been handed down from generation to generation?”

Mom replies: “Yes. What about it?”

He says: “Well, the last generation just dropped it.”

The moment when you throw the nut away and try to eat the shell.

You're so black, when you get near the sun, we go into a solar eclipse.

No wonder why I can't find you. You're in the trash bin.

Your hairline's so far back, you need binoculars to see it.

Man, your hairline is so far back, archaeologists couldn't find it.

Do you wanna lose ten pounds of ugly fat? Cut off your head.

I hope next time you ask your teacher to go to the toilet, your teacher says no, but when someone else asks, the teacher says yes to them.

Warning! Cringe Alert!

What happens when you leave your phone at jail?

It becomes a cell phone.

I lit my girlfriend on fire. I guess you could say I ignited her fire.

If you can't see your family... you're an orphan.

You are emo.

If you want an orphan joke, just look in a mirror.

Daughter: Hey Dad, can I use your car?

Dad: Sure, but first you have to give me a blow job."

Daughter: Okay, (proceeds to service dad). Dad, ewww, your dick tastes like shite!"

Dad: Oh, that's right, I lent your brother the car.