You jokes
Did you hear about the bossy man at the bar? He ordered everyone around.
Why did the chicken cross the road? To get to your mom's house.
Knock knock.
You: Who's there?
Your new father!
What do you do in India when you need to tell the time but don't have the money for a watch?
You bob your head from side to side like a metronome.
What do you call an avocado that got shot? Glockamole.
Have you ever tried Ethiopian food?
Neither have they...
What do you call a kid with an eyepatch and no arms or legs? Names.
So I was in the car with my mom one time and we always joke about me being adopted (I am not), and Michael Jackson's song "Billie Jean" sounds like my name, and so my mom says, as the song is playing, "(My name) is not my daughter, she's just a girl who claims that I am her mum." Wow. *applauds for mother* Love you momma =)
What do you call a cow with no legs?
Ground meat.
Do you know why I wish grass was emo? So it can cut itself.
Did you hear about that cheese factory that exploded in France?
There was nothing left but de Brie!
Why was Josef Vasicek a Stanley Cup champion in 2006?
Because you know who was jealous and he went down in 2020.
Have you heard about the new cereal?
It's called "Prostituties."
They don't snap, crackle, or pop, but they sure do bang!
Orphans are the best people to bully. They have no parents.
Taco Bell makes you crappy.
John F. Kennedy: "Are you a bullet? Because I can't get you out of my head."
Did you fart, cause you blew me away?
Friends are like penguins.
If you stab a penguin, they die.
when is it normal to freeze before being raped?
when a policeman rapes you.
You mehheheeheheeeehehehe.
What time is it when you eat a Christmas tree?
Time to get a new Christmas tree! 🎄