You're so fake, Barbie was jealous of you!
You Jokes
"Fuck you, do something about it!"
How do you beat Hellen Keller in musical chairs?
You move the chairs.
What would you rather be, emo or handicapped?
Trick question, emo is a handicap.
You're so much like a marshmallow, you're so squishy and sticky, and everyone puts their sticks inside of you.
Boy: “My heart MELTS for you.”
Girl: “OMG, are you okay?!?!”
Boy: “Yeah, why?”
Girl: “Because if your heart is melting, then you are NOT okay.”
What's the difference between a piano, a pot of glue, and a tuna fish?
You can tuna piano, but you can't piano a tuna.
What about the glue?
I knew you'd get stuck there.
How do you make an orphan's hands bleed?
Tell him to clap until his parents come home.
I will remember my auntie's last words: "If you shoot me, your p-nis is small!"
(gun shot)
What's the difference between you and me?
I have a plan for this new year.
So long, suckers. Keep scrolling.
What did the emo say to the popular kid?
"Go fuck yourself for thinking all emos cut because they don't... y'know, for a matter of fact, fuck all you guys..."
My girlfriend said to me, "Dear, I think you have hit an animal, there's blood and dents all over the bonnet."
I said, "No, love, I'm not waiting for a Black Lives Matter rally."
If your parachute doesn't work, don't worry.
You have the rest of your life to figure it out.
What do you call an orphan at a construction site?
Child labor.
Why was 6 afraid of 7?
'Cause 7 8 9.
But why did 7 eat 9?
'Cause you need 3 square meals a day :D
Have you heard about the Pillsbury Dough Boy? He died of a yeast infection.
What do you call sex with a hoover?
Clean sex.
What happens if you play with Santa’s ball? You get a white Christmas.
You're so fat you probably apply sunscreen with a paint roller.
Is it classed as down under if you eat out an Australian chick?
