You jokes

Teacher: *calls you up to the board*. You: Ok. *Gets intense boner* *has to fart really bad* You: F***!!!!!!!

What do you call a cross between a priest and a child?

The cross shoved up the priest’s ass as he ‘downward dogs’ the kid.

Why did Michael Jackson name his kid Blanket?

What would you call a cover for your cock?

Almost all of you suck. If you're following me, hah, this isn't a joke, but it gave my profile a 1 thingy heheh. KYS, Wade =D

Wife: I will leave you if you call me fat again.

Husband: Wait, dear... Don’t do it for the sake of our kid!

Wife: Kid?

Husband: Yeah, aren’t you pregnant?

What do you call an 18-year-old orphan?

Homeless.

Why should you wrap your hamsters in duct tape?

So they don't explode when you f*** them.

What do you call a priest who became a singer?

Michael Jackson.

Emos are weird to me because they dress up all black, and you know I don't like that, so that's why I don't like it.

Dear doctor,

I've heard it's a good sign when women scream your first name during sex, but recently women have been screaming my full name. It's weird, I feel like I'm famous. Can you tell me what this means?

Yours Truly, Ray Palp

Spell "I C U P." I see you pee.

Day 70 without sex, my doctor asked me, "Are you sexually active?" I said, "Why, what you tryna do?"

Yeah man, you watch Pornhub, and you have premium too, but at least I don't need Premium to see your mom in bed.

Your hairline is so bad when I looked at you, I had to use accessibility.

You're an orphan and blind. You have cancer. You will die in 3 days. Merry Xmas!

Light travels faster than sound, which is why you seemed bright until you spoke.

How emos propose: Would you please join my family tree?

I’ll never forget my grandpa's last words to me...

“Are you still holding the ladder??”

You can make fun of adopted kids all you want. What are they going to do, tell their parents on you? Lol.

That is a "Penny-Farthing" bicycle. Dimes if you feed it beans.