You jokes
A blind man walks into a bar and starts to swing his guide dog around his head. The bartender asks him nervously, "Are you okay?" The blind man replies, "Yeah, I’m just looking around!"
What do you call a cow that has stuff growing on it?
Mosscow
Scientist time travels into the year 2024.
Scientist: So, what happened with the storming of Area 51?
Pedestrian: Oh, you mean The 51 Massacre?
What has 4 legs, then 3 legs, then 2 legs, then 1 leg, then no legs?
A baby you cut one off each time.
You might find this joke a rib-tickler, but I sure do.
Your earlobes are so big, you can fit your mom inside of them 5000 times and still have room for more!
Did you hear about the red and blue ships that collided? All the sailors were marooned.
Yo mama so fat you can see her from 1,000,000,000,000,000,000,000 galaxies away!
Roses are red, violets are blue.
Your mom is fat and so are you.
My priest asked if anyone had any questions or anything interesting they wanted to say.
So I raised my hand, he said why don’t you tell everyone what you have to say.
In front of the whole church I said I did not know Jesus Christ was the first scarecrow.
A Japanese man goes to the dentist. After being there for a while, the dentist asks, "How often do you floss your teeth?"
The Jap said, "After every meal." When they finish up, the dentist turns to him and says, "You need to floss your eyes more. I can still see them."
What do you call two old men drooling in their wheelchairs?
The 2028 US election.
Why shouldn't you trust trees? Because they seem shady.
Motherhood is like a fairy tale, but in reverse. You start out in a beautiful ball gown and end up in stained rags cleaning up after little people.
Why can’t you private text someone in a community?
Because a community has more than two people.
How do you call an iPhone cover in Germany?
An apple bag. 😜
Do you know that foundation called "Autism Speaks"?
No, it screeches.
Bully: Shut up.
Me: I don't shut up, I grow up, and when I look at you, I throw up.
What’s the difference between a cow and Hitler jokes?
You can’t milk the cow after 12 years.
Q: How do you know if an Asian broke into your house?
A: All your homework and the Rubik's cube you spent a year on and still can’t solve is solved. 🤓🤓🤓🤓