You jokes

I'm throwing an orgy for people on antidepressants.

Let me know if you can't cum.

Why are friends a lot like snow?

If you pee on them, they disappear.

What’s the difference between a microwave and a 10 year old girl?

The microwave doesn’t fart out blood and diarrhea when you pull your meat out.

I can tell you used to be friends with your hairline, cuz it goes way back.

What do you call a black prostitute with braces?

A Black & Decker pecker wrecker.

When you see someone with a double chin that’s sad:

Hey come on, man, keep your chin up. Wait, which one?

Little Johnny said to his mate, "I bet I can make you swear." His mate said, "Good luck." So Johnny told his mate that he slept with his sister. His mate yelled, "I'm gonna fucking kill you!"

Like if you know someone is emo and comment "emo🇷🇺."

Don't take my posts seriously, take them like your ex took you—as a joke.

How many babies does it take to paint the side of a barn?

Depends on how hard you throw them.

How do you make Olaf hard? You tickle his snowballs.

Obama: It smells like UpNigga in here...

Trump: What's UpNigga?

Obama: Omg did you say the n word?? Die!!!

Why are orphans so sad?

Because every time they swallow, they think... "You should have Mom."

Q: What do you call an owner that can't take care of their cat? A: A impurrefect owner.

Yo mama is so fat that she got on the scale, and it says, "Lose some pounds before you get on the scale, or it will break!"

Yo mama is so fat that she stepped on the scale and it says, "Hey fat b****, break your fat a** in half so you won't weigh as much!"

Husband: I look fat, can someone compliment me?

Wife: You have good eyesight.

What egg do you buy an orphan?

Free range.

Man, we all have the one cool sibling, then the strong sibling, and then you, the one who plays on their iPad or computer all day. Then, when you are on vacation, you are doing nothing at all.

Me: *Calls friend* "Dude, I just fell off a 50-foot ladder!"

Friend: "Bro, you ok?!"

Me: "Yeah, lucky I only fell off the first step!"