You jokes
Me and my mom order Chinese food. So when it came, my mom grabbed the egg roll and started to suck it down. Then I ask my mom what are you doing. Then my mom says, "I love you for 5 dollar."
The last number of your like is the Amogus you get.
1: Amogus trollface
2: Frogus
3: Amogus in 2013
4: Chogus
5: Classic Amogus
6: Wait this isn't Amogus
7: Amogus drip
8: Amog sus
9: Amog stuff
How do you turn a straight guy into a gay guy? Well... for starters, you grab that ass of his, drag him into the bathroom, and tell him to suck my long, big pineapple, and thus you have yourself one straight guy converted into a dick-sucking machine.
Superman and Flash were in the living room pounding back a few beers. Flash says to Superman, "I bet you can fly into Wonder Woman's bedroom and get the best pussy of your life." So he does it. When he goes back to Flash, Superman says, "Man, that was great, but my ass kinda burns."
My wife asked me to get her a puppy. I agreed and went to an animal shelter. As I was searching for a puppy, a fire was set, and the entire animal shelter burned down.
A few hours later, I returned to my wife. She knew I had no puppies and asked why. I replied, "I couldn't find any." She understood but was upset, so I gave her something that I did get. She said, "Wow! This is good, what smokehouse did you get this at?"
Question and answer 🙄
What do you get when a topless blonde rubs sun tanning oil on a topless brunette?
Your camera.
Boys: “Hey, can Billy come out and play baseball?”
Mom: “That would be fine, but he hasn’t come out of his room since Friday.”
Boys: “Have you checked the closet?”
If you don't like my spelling, Explain Bear, have you realized I'm a duck and you are a bear? I've got more internet power and meme power, so shut the duck up and get a life and stay off my property and the internet.
If you give a dwarf 5-Hour Energy, will it become 2.5-hour Energy?
What do you call a peso?
A wetback greenback.
You can’t say “dwarf” anymore; you have to say “little people”.
You can’t say “fat”; you have to say “plus size”.
You can’t say “retard”; you have to say “democrat”.
A Japanese man goes to the dentist. After being there for a while, the dentist asks, "How often do you floss your teeth?"
The Jap said, "After every meal." When they finish up, the dentist turns to him and says, "You need to floss your eyes more. I can still see them."
Why shouldn't you trust trees? Because they seem shady.
Are you made of Gold, Titanium, Sulfur, Titanium, and Carbon?
'Cause damn, you lookin' kinda Au Ti S Ti C.
What do you call 2 nuns and a prostitute that play football?
Two tight ends and a wide receiver.
I was looking at our Human Services Minister and thinking I'm surprised he's married.
The things you do for your cousins!
What are the last two words you say after sex before going to sleep?
"Goodnight, Mom!"
What do you call a rapper who's also a scientist?
RHYME-STEIN.
What do you call a booty that can do magic?
A butt trick!
What do you call an artist with a brown finger?
Picasshole.