You jokes

You don’t need a parachute to go skydiving, you need a parachute to go skydiving twice.

What did the ocean say to the other ocean?

Nothing. They just waved.

Did you sea what I did there?

If you are on here, don’t hate. There will be rude ones, but it doesn’t matter.

[God creating the parrot] OK, HOW ABOUT A TYE-DYE CHICKEN THAT SCREAMS ACTUAL WORDS AT YOU?

Glad to present you a wood clock.

https://olegon.ru/clock/

Did you know what my grandpa wanted for Christmas? A new ass because his one has a crack on it.

What do you call a clock on a belt?

A waist of time.

Question: Do you know who Candis is?

Answer: Can dis dick fit in your mouth?

An autistic woman walks into a bar. "A serving of Screaming Banshee, please," she says.

The bartender says, "Ok, you seem to like it, unlike a retired special ed teacher that passed through a few minutes ago."

When someone asks you for a beef (fight), just say you're a vegetarian.

I asked my girlfriend if she was a smoke alarm. She said, "Is it because I warned him when hotness came?" I said, "No, you don’t shut up!"

Did you hear about the new restaurant called Karma?

There's no menu. You get what you deserve!

How do you make Alabama cookies?

Put them in a big bowl and beat for three hours.

What do you call a broken chicken?

A broken chicken.

What do you say when your friend has an ankle sprain?

"Damn bro, you got an ankle spring!"

Love is like a fart. If you have to force it, it's probably shit.

What do you call a cross between a computer and a vampire bat?

Love at first byte! <3

Guys tell me that I have a MILF for a mom. So I told my mom that guys tell me that she is a MILF. My mom said to me, "What is a MILF?" so I said, "Mother I'd Like TO F-ck." So my mom started to laugh and said, "Well, you do need a new step dad."

Roses are red, Violets are twisted, Come back to my place, You might get fisted.

How do you leave an idiot in suspense? I'll tell you tomorrow!