Asgard jokes

If someone with a lisp dropped a hammer on their foot, would they be Thor?

Iron Man: Where are you from?

Thor: Asgard.

Iron Man: Do you mean ass guard?

How do you know Thor has your back?

He's an Asgardian (ass guardian).

Which brand of underwear does Thor wear?

Asgard.

Thor is so gay he farts the rainbow bridge to Asgard.

Hi, I did not text back to text her and dad, now I’m texting her. Now I’m.

God creating spiders.

God: "Make it have 8 legs." Angel: "Ok? Bit excessive but ok." God: "And 8 eyes." Angel: "You need to calm down and li-" God: "Give it a butt rope!"

You call it a tragedy. I call it a 25 killstreak.

Slavery and discipline, it's kind of the same thing. You get whipped for doing the wrong thing.

A man from France, a man from Britain, and a man from New York are on an expedition to the Amazon Forest. After a while, they get lost. As they are walking, suddenly the bushes jump up into the air and men with spears are there. One man says, "Hey, you're in our sacred land. So what we are going to do is skin you and then use your flesh to make canoes. But we aren't that crazy, so we will let you choose how you die."

The man from France said, "Bring me the poison."

The man from Britain said, "Bring me the gun."

And the man from New York said, "Bring me a fork."

The guy was confused with the fork but still brought the items and gave them to them.

The guy from France said, "For France!" And drank the poison and died.

The man from Britain said, "Long live the queen!" And shot himself and died.

And the man from New York started stabbing himself with the fork and said, "Make a canoe out of this, you fuckers!"

Technoblade be doing skyblock in heaven now.