Asgard jokes

If someone with a lisp dropped a hammer on their foot, would they be Thor?

Iron Man: Where are you from?

Thor: Asgard.

Iron Man: Do you mean ass guard?

How do you know Thor has your back?

He's an Asgardian (ass guardian).

Which brand of underwear does Thor wear?

Asgard.

Thor is so gay he farts the rainbow bridge to Asgard.

Hi, I did not text back to text her and dad, now I’m texting her. Now I’m.

Me: Have you ever went sky diving?

Friend: No.

Me: Well don't, it sucks.

Friend: Why?

Me: They gave me a parachute and I lived.

God creating spiders.

God: "Make it have 8 legs." Angel: "Ok? Bit excessive but ok." God: "And 8 eyes." Angel: "You need to calm down and li-" God: "Give it a butt rope!"

You call it a tragedy. I call it a 25 killstreak.

Slavery and discipline, it's kind of the same thing. You get whipped for doing the wrong thing.

You call it suicide. I call it a failed parkour attempt.