You jokes

If you were to ask me, "Where would be the worst place to commit a crime?" I would say a multi-storey car park, because if you think about it, it would be wrong on so many levels.

Did you know that the "F" in orphan stands for family?

Wow, Aiden, maybe you've been mean to Tenya. She is hurting, close to killing herself, but hey, I can pick your ass since, ya know, that is what I do!

"Why is my name Rose?"

"A rose fell on your head when you were born."

"Why is my name Daisy?"

"A daisy fell on your head when you were born."

"Bedrock is better than Java!"

"Oh, hi Brick!"

Did you know the "f" in "orphan" stands for family because there is no "f" in orphan.

What do you call a girl with one leg? Ilean.

Do you put a baby in the microwave covered or uncovered?

Covered, it can take weeks to clean up the explosion.

Your classmate: You're so ugly.

Me: That's what your mom said when she had you and called you a mistake.

Yo, look, they give me and my girl free pizza and a big bottle of rabbit wine. Yay, yay! Don't drink too much of it; you might turn into a wine rabbit.

How can you tell that a woman cannot fit through a vent because she got pregnant from a baby elephant? Ain't no telling who's in better shape, the elephant or the woman. I guess it's probably Weight Watchers.

Kalyn: Mrs. Frizzle,

Mrs. Frizzle: Sure.

Kalyn: Can you spell I-C-U-P for me?

Mrs. Frizzle: Shut up, you little fucktard!

Q: What did the fetus say to the tongs?

A: See you on the flip side.

So one day a boy was at his dad's work when another little boy ran in crying. Then the dad said, "Aw, little boy, are you lost? Where's your parents?" And the little boy at his dad's work said, "OMG! Dad, you can't say that!"

Why can't he say that?

Answer: He works at an orphanage.

You should always be happy about family and love.

Whenever you see an orphan taking a selfie, photo bomb him and say, "Family photo!"

You’re so short, you could use a pillow as your bed and still have some wiggle room.

What do you do when you get a boy named Jackson? You dump him.

You are so fat that Big Chungus looks like a small Chungus.

What do you call a can opener that doesn’t work?

A can’t opener!

My bf: Knock knock.

Me: Who's there?

My bf: Ice cream.

Me: Ice cream who?

My bf: I scream if you don't let me see that smoking hot body!