You jokes
My wife asked me to get her a puppy. I agreed and went to an animal shelter. As I was searching for a puppy, a fire was set, and the entire animal shelter burned down.
A few hours later, I returned to my wife. She knew I had no puppies and asked why. I replied, "I couldn't find any." She understood but was upset, so I gave her something that I did get. She said, "Wow! This is good, what smokehouse did you get this at?"
Why shouldn't you say "I hate you" to your parents?
Ask an orphan.
Son: Mom, what's dark humor?
Mom: Do you see that man without arms over there? Tell him to clap.
Son: Mom, I'm blind.
Mom: Exactly.
People, when your lover cheats on you, do this!
1. Start a conversation. 2. Say, "What's that smell?" 3. They will smell around. 4. Say, "OMG, it's a b****," and walk away and ignore them.
What do you call a kid on the track team who isn't on the track team?
A school shooter.
What do you call a lesbian on a bike?
A dyke...
What type of flour do you buy an orphan? Self-raising.
My mom said, "Don't jump off, we need you."
I said, "No," then I jumped off a building and died.
When you find out your great grandpa killed Hitler.
What do you call James Bond in a bathtub?
Bubble 007.
You.
Yo mama so FAT...
That when she had sex with you...
Your balls turned to pancakes.
Someone was bullying Stephen, so I said, "Why do you not stand up for yourself?"
I went to a depressed person and said, "Do you wanna hang with me?"
Yo mama, why do you have to jump in the pool as soon as I can find the water on Mario? I mean, Mario jump to Mars!
What do you call a nun in a wheelchair?
Virgin Mobile.
"PENIS WAIT WHAT OENIS SUCK MINE DADDY?" Sorry, you are an orphan.
1. Are you talking to me because I think you talked to my backside?
2. Your mom must taste good because it is always in your mouth.
3. My foot lasts longer than your life.
Yo, look, they give me and my girl free pizza and a big bottle of rabbit wine. Yay, yay! Don't drink too much of it; you might turn into a wine rabbit.
How can you tell that a woman cannot fit through a vent because she got pregnant from a baby elephant? Ain't no telling who's in better shape, the elephant or the woman. I guess it's probably Weight Watchers.