You jokes
I would tell you a joke about pizza,
but it's too cheesy.
Have you ever walked into Stephen Hawking's house?
No, neither has he.
A blind guy and his seeing eye dog walk into a bar.
The blind guy starts swinging the dog around on the leash.
The bartender yells, "Sir, stop! What are you doing!?"
The blind guy says, "I'm just looking around."
How many babies does it take to paint a wall?
Depends on how hard you throw the baby.
How do you tell the difference between a Communist and everybody else? The way they are spelled.
When you want to commit suicide, just say "Allahu Akbar," there will definitely be a blast.
What do you call an Indian person who is not starving? Dead.
The moment when you tell an illegal immigrant to go home and he walks to the jail cell and closes it.
If you're reading this right now, Then the joke's on you, Because I'm right behind ya, mothafucka!
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA I'm laughing because you look like a monkey.
No, seriously,
I'm right behind ya.
How do you find a redneck virgin?
Just look for a 4-year-old. They can run faster than her brothers.
Science flies you to the moon, but religion flies you into skyscrapers.
What do you get if you cross a pig and a witch with sand?
A ham sandwich.
You know the sport that Mexicans are good at?
Cross-country.
My "overweight" friend and I were talking at lunch.
Overweight friend: Man, why you so ugly, dude?
Me: *annoyed* Jason, when you stepped on the scale this morning, it asked for your weight, not your phone number.
If you have sex and your African parents find out,
“You can do the boom boom. But you can not do the boom boom in my house. Do it somewhere else."
The last number of your like is the Amogus you get.
1: Amogus trollface
2: Frogus
3: Amogus in 2013
4: Chogus
5: Classic Amogus
6: Wait this isn't Amogus
7: Amogus drip
8: Amog sus
9: Amog stuff
A man went to a library and asked the librarian if they had any books on suicide.
She replied "Oh fuck off, you won't bring it back!"
What do you call a swearing piece of shit?
Cus-turd.
Me and my mom order Chinese food. So when it came, my mom grabbed the egg roll and started to suck it down. Then I ask my mom what are you doing. Then my mom says, "I love you for 5 dollar."
How do you turn a straight guy into a gay guy? Well... for starters, you grab that ass of his, drag him into the bathroom, and tell him to suck my long, big pineapple, and thus you have yourself one straight guy converted into a dick-sucking machine.