You jokes
What do orphans, parents, and a ball have in common?
If you throw them, they both will never come back.
A blind man walks into a bar and starts to swing his guide dog around his head. The bartender asks him nervously, "Are you okay?" The blind man replies, "Yeah, I’m just looking around!"
Scientist time travels into the year 2024.
Scientist: So, what happened with the storming of Area 51?
Pedestrian: Oh, you mean The 51 Massacre?
You really can't call Stalin bad, just think about the kids that depression.
Because all I do is pound it, man. I would put you on my "600 Pound Life" if you didn't weigh 1,000.
Memes
Pickup line: Are you the internet? 'Cause I feel a connection.
What do you get when you cross an atheist an insomniac?
Someone who stays up all night wondering if there's a dog.
Want to hear a pun?
Well, I'll punch you with one!
Becky: Rob, you're so stupid! Anything that you say is stupid!
Rob: .....BECKY :3
Iron Man: Where are you from?
Thor: Asgard.
Iron Man: Do you mean ass guard?
What do you call a restaurant that sells food that contains weed?
McBongald's.
Are you made of Gold, Titanium, Sulfur, Titanium, and Carbon?
'Cause damn, you lookin' kinda Au Ti S Ti C.
What do you get when a topless blonde rubs sun tanning oil on a topless brunette?
Your camera.
What do you call a booty that can do magic?
A butt trick!
If you don't like my spelling, Explain Bear, have you realized I'm a duck and you are a bear? I've got more internet power and meme power, so shut the duck up and get a life and stay off my property and the internet.
What do you call a peso?
A wetback greenback.
Boys: “Hey, can Billy come out and play baseball?”
Mom: “That would be fine, but he hasn’t come out of his room since Friday.”
Boys: “Have you checked the closet?”
If you give a dwarf 5-Hour Energy, will it become 2.5-hour Energy?
What do you call a booty that tells jokes?
A crack-up!
What do you call a midget stripper?
A pocket pussy.