You jokes
The other day I commented a dark humor joke on a post about a guy who lost his best friend. The joke was “I was so drunk last night I threw a mushroom at a midget and said ‘grow mario grow.’” He commented “What the hell is wrong with you?” and I said “IKR I really gotta work on my alcoholic issues.”
He then replied “This is a post about my dead best friend get the fuck off my feed I don’t even know you.” And so I said “Well then get to know me, I could become your new best friend!”
Teacher: Ok class good morning, we are going to start off by what kind of sound animals make.
Teacher: Ok, what sound does a pig make?
Class: A cow says, "moo moo."
Teacher: Good.
Teacher: What does a sheep make?
Class: A sheep says, "baa baaa."
Teacher: Good! Now what does a pig say?
Little Johnny: A pig says, "Put your hands up and get against the wall you black mother fucke*!"
What do you call an animal with 3 eyes, 2 mouths, 6 noses, and 4 ears?
What do you get when you cross a priest with a toilet?
Holy shit.
What do you call a drunken Muslim?
Mohammered.
What do you call a Mexican with a rubber toe?
Robetoe.
Catholic men say eating broccoli is like anal sex.
If you’re forced to have it as a child, you probably won’t like it as an adult.
You know what's the worst about having a daughter with cancer?
You can't pull her hair when you hit it from the back.
What's the difference between a lightbulb and a pregnant lady? You can unscrew a lightbulb.
I love balls, bro. So do you.
What part of a vegetable can't you eat?
The wheelchair.
If you ever get bored, just punch an orphan. I mean, what are they gonna do? Tell their parents?
My Bff: Hey do want any coffee?
Me: Yeh, of course.
My Bff: Ok which one?
Me: You know... the black one.
Me: Like my soul...
My Bff: Jeez you ok?
What do you call a stupid male Indian?
"Anshu-man."
What do you call a dead hooker?
It doesn't matter, she won't answer you.
I was in a bar in Italy. Me and a hot chick got along, so I asked her for her number. I remembered that there was a pen in my pocket, but when I searched, it was nowhere to be found. I turned back, then I saw Pessi running with it. Shame on you, Pessi, for ruining my night! 😭
What do you call a blind German?
A Nazi.
So, y'all remember Hitler, right?
Ok, so I own a gun with Nazi rounds. I shot a guy who was entering my home who wasn't invited. He said, "Did you shoot me with Nazi rounds?" Then I said, "Do you mean 'nein' millimeter?"
What do you call an octopus with eight legs? An octo-pussy!
Were you born on the side of the highway because that’s where all mistakes happen?