You jokes

How do you get chewing gum out of your hair?

Cancer.

Little Johnny was sitting in class, and he was behind a girl called Sally. The teacher asks the class, “Who created the Earth?” And Little Johnny pokes Sally in the back with his sharpened pencil, and she jumps and says, “MY GOD!” And the teacher says, “Yes, Sally, God did create the Earth.” Sally sits down.

Then, the teacher asks, “Where do you go after you live a good life?” and Little Johnny pokes Sally again, and she jumps up and says, “HEAVENS TO BETSY!” And the teacher says, “Yes Sally. You will go to heaven after you live a good life.” Sally sits down, knowing full well Little Johnny was poking her. Sally gave Little Johnny an angry glare, and she turns around.

And then, the teacher asks the class, “What did Eve say to Adam after their 77th child?” and Little Johnny pokes Sally HARDER this time in the back, and Sally jumps, turns around, and says, “If you stick that thing in me one more time, I swear I’m gonna lose it!” And the teacher faints.

You don't need brains to be a Boss.

When the body was first created, all the parts wanted to be Boss. The brain said, "I should be Boss because I control all of the body's responses and functions."

The feet said, "We should be Boss since we carry the brain about and get him to where he wants to go."

The hands said, "We should be the Boss because we do all the work and earn all the money."

Finally, the asshole spoke up. All the parts laughed at the idea of the asshole being the Boss. So, the asshole went on strike, blocked itself up and refused to work.

Within a short time, the eyes became crossed, the hands clenched, the feet twitched, the heart and lungs began to panic, and the brain fevered. Eventually, they all decided that the asshole should be the Boss, so the motion was passed. All the other parts did all the work while the Boss just sat and passed out the shit!

Moral Of The Story: You don't need a brain to be a Boss----any asshole will do.

Comedian: If you’re racist and you know it, clap your hands.

Guy 1 & Guy 2: 👏👏

Comedian: WTF bros!

Comedian: And one of you is black and one is white. How does that work?

Roses are gay, violets are also gay. If you read, you are gay.

Why can orphans give all you people posting all these stupid orphan jokes over and over again a good kick in the face?

Well, what are you gonna do, tell their parents?

P.S. Stop posting stupid orphan jokes over and over again.

Yo mama so stupid that she shit and farted on you, asshole!

What do you call it when Neil Armstrong started cuming in space?

The Milky Way.

If you kill someone, that's murder.

If you kill a family member, that's still murder.

If you kill a child, that's "child abuse."

Did you hear about the Italian chef who died?

He pasta-way.

Like if you blow male cows?

What do you get if you cross Hillary Clinton and Barack Obama? A blonde n1gger cunt.

How do you stop constipation?

You scare the crap outta them.

(Crap is another word for poop.)

What's the difference between a dwarf and a Japanese man?

I don't know, you tell me.

What are the four letters you don’t want to hear from a dentist?

I C D K

I can make a word with those: "DICK".

If you don't like racist people, isn't that discrimination?

I'd tell you a 9/11 joke, but it'd fly over your head and into the Twin Towers.

What did the doctor say to the orphan?

"I can't help you with cancer, I'm a family doctor!"

I remember my grandad's last words: "Are you still holding the ladder?"

What is a nonce's favorite toy...? You.