You jokes
How do you kill a Hindu? PRESS THE RED BUTTON.
How do you know an orphan is lying? When they swear on their mother's life.
Do you know why orphans can't get married?
Because they will never get their parents' blessing.
I guess you can say he xxxpired.
What do you call a fake noodle?
An impasta.
I can tell you an airplane joke, but it will probably fly over your head.
How do you fit 1000 babies in a swimming pool?
A blender.
How do you get them out? Slurp them up with a straw.
Have you ever walked into Stephen Hawking's house? Don't worry, he hasn't neither.
I was gonna tell you a sodium joke, but Na, only I thought it was so dium funny.
- Hey, are you single?
- No, I'm album.
Roses are red. Violets are blue. If he's busy on Valentine's Day, the side chick is you.
You know why the teacher punished Dairy Milk?
Answer: Because he was choco_'late' to school.
What do you call a one-legged hippo?
A hoppo!
Me: Hey! Do you know how to tie a knot?
Person: Yea, why?
Me: Cause I need help tying this noose :)
What do you get when you cross a chicken and a horse?
An animal abuse warrant.
What is the difference between an egg and a wank? You can beat an egg, but you can't beat your...
I did a walk today and had fun. Today, I did not have to go get my kids and get to my new house. 🏠 It was a good day. I had fun. I did a walk today. I had fun today, but I’m going to be at the car 🚘 when I’m at my car. 🚘 What time was your night time? What time did [you go to bed]?
Me and my brother talking about relationships.
Me: We live kind of differently.
Brother: We're sort of alike.
Me: We're not alike.
Brother, because he's taken: 'Cause you don't have a boyfriend!
My thoughts: You're right. 'Cause I have a girlfriend!
Did you hear of my new job as a can crusher? It's soda pressing.
Why don't you see elephants hiding in trees?
Bc they're good at it.