You Jokes

What’s the difference between an egg and a wank?

You can beat an egg.

What do you call a soda can’s dad? Pop!

What do you call a fish with no eyes?

Fffffsshhhhhh

How do you fix an igloo?

With Iglue.

If you put an amputee with no limbs in a snuggie, it becomes a stubbie.

What do you say when a Spanish person loses a car?

Carlos.

Did you hear about the old Italian chef?? Yeah he pasta away.

Then a man walked comprehending to be him. Everyone knew he was an impasta.

I could tell you the one about the broken pencil... but it's pointless.

So you know "The Lion King."

Do you remember Simba?

Well, his dad is really strong, and he walks really fast, but Simba walks really slow.

So I told him to Mufasa.

Wife: Honey, I love you.

Husband: I love you all.

Wife: Awww.......... Wait WHAT?!?!??!

What did the cell say when it was dividing?

"It's not you, it's me."

Weedle will make you high.

What did the Canadian say when a guy shot his beaver?

"It is ok, I forgive you."

What do you call a fake noodle?

An impasta.

I did a walk today and had fun. Today, I did not have to go get my kids and get to my new house. 🏠 It was a good day. I had fun. I did a walk today. I had fun today, but I’m going to be at the car 🚘 when I’m at my car. 🚘 What time was your night time? What time did [you go to bed]?

Me and my brother talking about relationships.

Me: We live kind of differently.

Brother: We're sort of alike.

Me: We're not alike.

Brother, because he's taken: 'Cause you don't have a boyfriend!

My thoughts: You're right. 'Cause I have a girlfriend!

You know why the teacher punished Dairy Milk?

Answer: Because he was choco_'late' to school.

What is the difference between an egg and a wank? You can beat an egg, but you can't beat your...

What do you call an orphan?

A bootysnagger45.

What do you call a gold digger?

A miner.