You jokes
Did you hear about the man who swallowed his watch?
He went to the doctor hoping he could give him something to help pass the time.
I still remember my granddad's last words,
"Are you still holding the ladder?"
I don't have any friends.
If you like this, I can be your friend :)
What do you call a sad Doge?
What?
Nothing but Sarrrooooddd!
It's really great that you can make fun of orphans, 'cause what are they going to do? Tell their parents?
What's the difference between you and me? You're not strangling a man with a cloak on.
There is a dark alley. Who do you call?
Batman.
What do you call a group of depressed kids?
A suicide squad.
What do you call a fish with no parents?
An orfin.
You were born on a road. That's where most accidents happen.
Do you love water?
Then you love 75% of me!
Have you ever noticed when a woman is pregnant all her friends touch her stomach and say “congrats,” but none of them touch the man’s penis and say “well done?”
Repost
Why can't your nose be twelve inches?
Because then it would be a foot.
What do you call a droid that takes the long way around?
R2 Detour.
Mom: It's time for sleep.
Baby: Is that what you think, huh?
Mom: *gives baby pacifier*
Baby: Nice try, hobo.
Mom: Well, I'll come back later to see if he's gone asleep.
*few hours later*
Baby: *still awake*
Mom: Why IS HE NOT ASLEEP?!
Baby: Lol, I told you nice try haha.
When my mom said you have to listen to classical music at my new school, I had to listen to it twenty-four seven. After that, I sang the song [with] the wrong melody for my music teacher 😎
What do you get when you cross a donkey with an onion?
A piece of ass that makes your eyes water.
How do you punish a blind kid?
Rearrange the furniture.
Some dude: Water you thinking?
Me: You're drowning in my head.
What do you get when you cross a rooster with a small dog?
A Cock-a-POODLE-Doo!