What do you call a gold digger?
A miner.
You Jokes
If your parents ever accuse you of lying... Say, "You're the one who told me about Santa Claus!"
Why do you call a pineapple a pineapple?
Because it is a pineapple, pin, apple, apple, pen, doudodo.
What is the difference between a blonde and a mosquito?
Only one of them stops sucking after you slap it.
What's the difference between a Catholic priest and acne?
Acne comes on your face after you turn 13.
Did you hear of my new job as a can crusher? It's soda pressing.
How do you put "blonde" and "duh" in the same sentence? Just say, "Blondes are dumb."
Why don't you see elephants hiding in trees?
Bc they're good at it.
What do you call a bird orgy?
No bird control.
Roses are red, violets are blue, Polo G is the goat, but that means nothing to you.
Me: What is the difference between your mom and a mosquito?
Friend: Let me guess, they both suck you.
Q. What's Jeffery Dahmer's favorite song?
A. "Pieces of You."
What were Princess Diana's last words?
Have you been Dri...?
Roses are red,
Violets are blue,
Look at me again,
It will be the end of you.
One day my friend said: "I want tacos from Katie's, you?" and I said no thanks and she left. I never saw her again. Today I remember that I saw her name on TV as one of the victims of suicide, then I remember her and my motto: "If I'm dying, you're dying with me, you got no choice." I NEVER ate tacos from Katie's again.
A homeless man sees a woman about to jump off a bridge.
A homeless man is walking along a road and comes across a bridge. On the bridge is a woman standing on the railing, clearly about to jump. He approaches the woman.
"Hey lady, are you about to jump?"
"Back off! If you come any closer, I'll do it!" she replies.
"Well, that's fine," he says, "but before you do, can I ask a favor? I'm pretty down on my luck, and it's been a long time since I've felt the touch of a woman, so if it's all the same to you, would you have sex with me first?"
"Eww no, fuck off you creep!" the woman shouts back.
"Fine," the man says. "I'll just go wait at the bottom."
Sans, you lazybones, get up and do something.
Sans: I am doing something.
Papyrus: Oh yeah, what?
Sans: Thinking up a skele-ton of jokes.
Papyrus: SANSSSsSsSsSssSsSSsSsSsSSsSSsSsSsS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I will end you.
Sans: What, does someone not have a funny bone? Oh wait, do you have a bone to pick with me? I have 206.
How do you fit 100 rape victims inside a Mini Cooper?
In the ashtray.
What did the poo say to the fart:
You blow me away!
Me: "I came home laughing."
Parents: "What's wrong?"
Me: "The teacher asked everyone a question. Luckily, I was the only one who knew."
Parents: "Good for you, Johnny. What was the fantastic question your teacher gave everyone and only you knew?"
Me: "Well, it's kinda complicated, but here it goes."
Parents: "What is it?"
Me: "Who farted?"
