You jokes
Why should you abuse the hell out of an orphan? Because what are they gonna do? Tell their mom or dad?
What do you call a cow who walks on two legs? Lean beef.
POV: A person made you mad, but you're Chinese and they have a cat. "CHING CHONG, CHING CHONG, CHING CHONG, BITCH."
Roses are red, violets are fine, I'll be the six, you be the nine.
A random guy yelled at me, "Hey, slut!"
I walked towards him.
"I prefer slit," I said.
"Why?" He asked.
"You see these wrists?" I spat at him.
Did you know there was food on the plane that caused 9/11?
It was the bomb.
It would have been better if Martin Luther King didn’t have a dream.
You know, for his sake.
Roses are red, violets are blue, you know what else is violent? Suicide with me and you.
Well, tell her that Halloween is the best holiday because you can hide Easter eggs under the Christmas tree while eating a big Thanksgiving turkey.
Q. What do you call a hooker in a vegetative state? A. A thot incapable of thought.
What do you do when your baby starts screaming?
Use more lube.
I want an almond-flavored biscuit. Amaretti? You bet I am!
You realize you're in a paradox until you die. You'll see yourself die by murder, suicide, old age, etc.
Then you realize you're dreaming, but you realize that if you die in a dream, you die IRL.
Q: I'm a famous athlete and I've got a lot of fans.
A: Is that why I never see you sweat?
Is it classed as down under if you eat out an Australian chick?
What do you call a man with no legs?
Hangman.
Today I explain what things are fake: serial killers, clowns, Billy, fairies, your life, God, Jesus, your mom, and all your crappy fan-fictions about being saved from your even crappier life.
I'm also gonna explain real stuff: YouTube, your dad, scientists, teachers, God, Jesus, and Billy.
Stuff on both is real and fake depending on who you are. Your life IS fake. A lot of idiots will read this.
Your hairline went so back, you had to cry to your mama!
20 years later
Johnny: Hey dad.
Dad: Yea?
Johnny: Fuck you, I ain't comin' back to your grave in 16 years, then ima come back, BITCH!
Dad: Doing the same thing I did to you and your mother, ay? I deserve it :( ;O not real...NOT A FUCKING ALL.
Johnny: Yea you kinda fucking do.
Dad:...
Normally the reason you don't get a knife when you ask for one is because the person you asked is emo.