You jokes
Gf: Babe, do you love me?
Bf: Count the stars and that's how much I love you.
Gf: But it's morning, sweetie...
Bf: Exactly.
Gf: :0, I'll take that as a no.
I told her "I love you." She said, "I love me too."
My uncle sayEd to me once, "You're my favorite child." And I said, "You mean Nece?" He said, "No, my favorite child."
What did the piggy bank say to his piggy friend?
"Ain't you got no cents?"
Piggy: "Actually, no. Just pork."
You were born on a road. That's where most accidents happen.
How do you punish a blind kid?
Rearrange the furniture.
What do you call a droid that takes the long way around?
R2 Detour.
Mom: It's time for sleep.
Baby: Is that what you think, huh?
Mom: *gives baby pacifier*
Baby: Nice try, hobo.
Mom: Well, I'll come back later to see if he's gone asleep.
*few hours later*
Baby: *still awake*
Mom: Why IS HE NOT ASLEEP?!
Baby: Lol, I told you nice try haha.
Do you think Mars prefers Sour Orbiters sweet?
Orbiter: "Or bitter?"
Do you love water?
Then you love 75% of me!
What do you get when you cross a rooster with a small dog?
A Cock-a-POODLE-Doo!
When my mom said you have to listen to classical music at my new school, I had to listen to it twenty-four seven. After that, I sang the song [with] the wrong melody for my music teacher 😎
What do you call a fish with no parents?
An orfin.
Some dude: Water you thinking?
Me: You're drowning in my head.
Friend: If you could get rid of any one person in your life, who would it be?
Me: Me.
Friend: *does nothing*
(x_x)
I forgot that I don't have friends.
Welcome to Mississippi.
Hahaha, you have no PP!
(Only Ninjago fans understand XD)
If you look outside and it's really windy, it's really cloudy, and the sky looks greenish... you better run, 'cause it has to be Morro!
What do you get when you cross a donkey with an onion?
A piece of ass that makes your eyes water.
Have you ever noticed when a woman is pregnant all her friends touch her stomach and say “congrats,” but none of them touch the man’s penis and say “well done?”
Repost
Why can't your nose be twelve inches?
Because then it would be a foot.