You jokes

The next time you get a sack call, pick up the phone and say, "Welcome to Pete's pizzeria and abortion clinic. Your loss is next week's sauce. How may we help you?"

Why did the skeleton have no friends?

He was a boner!

Heheheh!

Ah, see ya soon kiddo.

I'm going on break.

I'll give you some fried snow later!

You know what to do with this?

Get it to the same amount of dislikes and likes!

You hear about the Roman numeral hospital?

All they have is IVs!

Me and my friend roasting each other.

Friend: You look like a baboon.

Me: Stop talking, you look like a gorilla, so I might call animal control on you and I'll be seeing you at the zoo!

What do you call a wife who knows where her husband is at all times?

A widow.

Q: What do you call a sad soda?

A: Soda-pressing.

How do you know if an Asian has been in your house?

Your dog's gone.

Your finances are done.

And your floaties.

What's thick, long, hard, and has cum in it?

Cucumber. Lol. I love the way you think.

In Soviet Russia,

You love Chinese and hate Chinese.

What did the kid say to the toilet?

"Did you order a number two because I got one ready for you?"

What do you get when you stuff some cows into a food container?

A can o' bull.

Have you heard the joke about the sheep, drum, and snake?

"Baa" "dumm" "tsss"

Did you hear about the restaurant they're putting on the moon?

Good food, but no atmosphere.

Did you hear how Stephen Hawking died?

There was a mix up, and he was dropped at PC World instead of A&E!

Someone tracked down a cripple and said, "You can hide, but you can't run!"

Hey, What do you want? We broke up like 5 days ago, leave me alone. Ok, first wanna do some things? What kind of things? Illegal things. Like what? Knock you off and hide your body. 🤡🤡🗡

One day it was me and my sister in the house. My sister said to me, "Let's order food." I said, "We have no money." My sister said, "It's cool; we're just going to order egg rolls from the Chinese store. I know the delivery boy, and he won't charge us." I said, "Cool."

The delivery boy came with the egg rolls. I took some and ate mine in my room. I went back in the kitchen. I see my sister giving the delivery boy a blow job. I ask, "What are you doing?" My sister replied back to me, "You had your egg rolls; let me enjoy mine." Then the delivery boy said, "Don't no charge."

Roses are red, my cum is blue, I'll wait till you're asleep to rape you.

Get a fucking life, you horny bastards!