You jokes
"Did you hear about the flasher who exposed himself to two elderly ladies in Central Park? One had a stroke. The other couldn’t quite reach."
What do you call a living Panera Bread?
Panera Breath.
It's sad when you sit around waiting for mom to make dinner, and then you realize you are the mom.
If you were born in September, it's pretty safe to assume that your parents started their new year with a bang.
If you ever think no one cares about you,
kill someone, then the news will.
Memes
What do you call inexpensive circumcision? A rip-off.
"I work with animals," the guy says to his Tinder date.
"That's so sweet," she replies. "I like a man who loves animals. Where do you work?"
"I'm a butcher," he says.
Me: If my face looked like yours, I would sue my parents.
Sensei: That’s funny, because when your parents dropped you off at the temple, they got a fine for littering.
Cop: Hehe, that’s funny because I gave them the fine!
What do you call a wizard who can't secure a girl? Fumbledore.
How do you organize a space party? You "planet" with some "cheddar" and "brie"-pare for launch!
What do you call a prostitute in a wheelchair?
Hot wheels.
What do you call a man in a wheelchair with no legs?
Geo dude.
What do you call two black lads in gold?
A Twix.
Person: Did you hear about the black chick on the front of the bus?
Friend: No?
Person: Exactly.
Fun fact: this category of jokes is the MOST hated one by feminists.
Unless you force them the point.
This is not a joke, but if your uncle tells you, "Bend over, touch your toes, I'll show you where the monster goes," don't do it, hehehehehe.
I didn’t wanna tell you, but I had to write this song, cause I’m in your house every night doin' your mom.
Did you know that Jeffrey Dahmer was the first person to try Five Guys?
Why is pounding your mom like playing video games?
Because once you start, you just can’t stop until you win!
Are you a school bus? Because I want to fill you with kids.