You Jokes

My sister thinks she's so smart, she said onions are the only food that makes you cry.

So I threw a coconut at her.

Knock knock.

Who's there?

Insomnia.

You'll fit right in along with Depression and anxiety, you can help keep me awake at night because Depression is struggling with that... Well now I can't cry myself to sleep anymore...

No matter how kind you are, German children are kinder.

Like if you think rape jokes are funny.

Dad: "If they jumped off a bridge, would you?"

Tommy: "Yes, cuz there would be a body pile to break my fall!"

yep

The image shows a two-part comparison. The top part has two white cards held by a person; the left card reads 'professional cook', the right card reads 'grandma'. Below it says 'Corporate needs you to find the differences between this picture and this picture.' The bottom part of the image shows a woman who looks into the camera with a text overlay: 'everyone' and 'They're the same picture'.

When I'm bored, I go into an elevator with a full duffle bag. Once people come in and the door closes, I zip open the bag a little bit and whisper to it, "I'll get you some food once we get off."

The only time you see a depressed person lifted up is when they hang themselves.

What do you call two Mexicans at a country restaurant? "Two beaners in a cracker house."

I got a job as a pencil sharpener. I would tell you about it, but you wouldn't get the point.

What do you get when you cross jokes and cum?

CUMedy.

Is Google male or female? Female, because it doesn't let you finish a sentence before making a suggestion.

"You wanna play the rape game?" "No." "That's the spirit!"

A blind man walks into a bar and asks the bartender, "Wanna hear a blonde joke?" The bartender replies with, "I'm blonde, the man working next to me is blonde, the woman next to you is blonde, and the fat guy behind you is blonde." Then says, "Do you really wanna tell the blonde joke?" The blind guy responds with, "No, I don't wanna tell it that many times."

Me: Are you an orphan?

Boy: Yeah, what gave me away?

Me: ....ur parents.

10 Fun Facts.

1. You can't wash your eyes with soap. 2. You can't count your hair. 3. You can't breathe through your nose with your tongue out. 4. You just tried number 3. 5. When you did number 3, you realized it's possible, only you look like a dog. 6. You're smiling right now because you were fooled. 7. You skipped number 5. 8. You just checked to see if there is a number 5. 9. Share this with your friends to have some fun too :-)

What do you call a blonde who dyes her hair?

Artificial Intelligence.

What do you call a prostitute with a major in math?

The thot that counts.

What do you call a bee that lives in America? A USB.

My depressed friend said he wanted to jump off of a bridge but he didn’t wanna commit suicide. I told him if you jump and yell "parkour," it’ll just be a failed stunt.