You jokes

I am the ice cream man running over fat kids with my van. If you touch my van, I’ll smack you in the face with a frying pan. If you steal ice cream, I’ll shoot you in the face with a fudge machine.

A depressed man has been thinking of killing himself, and his friend says, "Find Jesus instead, he'll help you!"

And then the man says, "It's pretty hard to 'get help' from something that doesn't exist."

What do you call somebody in America that is smart?

An immigrant.

Most of the people here: That's not funny, lots of people died.

Bruh, why are you in here if you can't take a joke?

What do birds and children have in common?

If you shoot them, they die.

To all those who say this is a joke, it isn't. It's a core of humor and magic. It's a part of humor we can keep. Like if you agree.

I asked my dog this morning how her week's been going--she said "ruff." I feel her, you know? I feel her.

Why should you always knock on the fridge door before opening it?

The salad could be dressing!

Black humor is when you ask water to African people.

"Are you my homework? Because I want to slam you on my desk and do you all night."

If you go broke, you could always rent parking garages on your huge ass forehead.

What do you call Nicki Minaj covered in glue?

Sticky Minaj.

*New teacher walks in* New Teacher: Hi there, class. My name is Mr. Willy. I will be your math teacher.

*Me in shock, "Willy"* Me: Willy Wonka, is that you?

Your dick is so small they thought you were a girl when you came into the world.

"Namaste, 6 feet away, or I'll blow you away with this AK!"

What do you call it when Neil Armstrong started cuming in space?

The Milky Way.

What do you call an imposter octopus?

Octosus.

What do you call a special ed class that’s flooded?

Vegetable soup.

What would a man say to flirt with a woman that has a big butt?

You are so butty-ful!

Q: What do you call a nun in a pool? A: A bath bomb.