You jokes
A guy goes to see his psychiatrist dressed only in bubble wrap. When he gets there, he asked the psych, "Can you please help me?"
The psych says, "No, I'm sorry, I can clearly see your nuts."
Did you know that Germany came up with sparkling water?
Who else would think of adding gas?
In America, you fight Ukraine.
In Soviet Russia, you fight Mykraine.
High school is amazing. Like if you agree!
Me: *gives her 5 dollars* Climb that flag pole. Cute female: *takes the money and goes up the flag pole* Is this good? Me: Hell yeah, that's a nice view.
*Next day* Here's 10 dollars if you do it again. *She goes up there* Me: How's the view? *She goes home and her mom sees the money* Her mom: Where you getting this money? Her daughter: I climbed a flagpole. Her mom: You know he just wants you to see your panties, right? *She goes back and does it again but doesn't wear panties* Me: Holy shit ;-; Her mom: Did you do it again? Her daughter: Don't worry, Mom, he didn't get to see my panties. Her mom:...
Dad: "I'm giving all your toys to the orphanage."
Kid: "Why are you doing that?"
Dad: "So you won't get bored there."
What do you call a gay guy on fire?
LGBBQ
What do you call an apartment full of Black people?
A crackhouse.
Roses are red, grass is greener. When I think of you, I play with my wiener.
You're so ugly that when your mama had you, she tried to give you away, but there was nowhere to give you.
If you die a virgin, then where does your v-card go? Does it go with you to the grave, or does your mortician take it from you?
2019, where you can change your gender at a snap of a finger.
Good afternoon. My name is Russell, and I am a wilderness explorer of Tribe 54, Sweat Lodge 12. Are you in need of any assistance today, sir?
What do you call a kid in a wheelchair that you push in a fire? Hot Wheels.
What do you call an emo with a knife?
A cutting board.
Girl, you must be a Muslim because you are da bomb.
What do you call a cat with two legs instead of four?
Dead and without use, that's what I feel like.
Hey girl, are you a diamond pick?
'Cause I'm as hard as obsidian.
Your forehead is so big, I thought you were Megamind for a second there.
Never mind if I told you, it would go straight through your head.
"Beast Boy Four"