You jokes
How do you get a blonde to drown? You tell them the bottom of the pool smells weird.
Why can’t you trust an emo kid?
'Cause they always leave you hanging.
Bf: Babe, do you love me?
Gf: Of course, why do you ask?
Bf: I heard that your mom passed away, and I went to pick some roses for you to try to cheer you up, and then I remembered why I went to the garden.
You know how to draw a horse? If not, look in a mirror and draw what you see.
Son: Mom, can I tell you something?
Mom: Yes, of course, honey, what's up?
Son: Ok, you have terrible jokes! They're not even funny!
Mom: Well, I made you.
Knock! Knock!
Who’s there? Control Freak. Con... OK, now you say, “Control Freak who?”
-->[] go through the door if you can.
What do you call a short fortune-teller that escaped from jail?
A small medium at large.
I'd tell you a joke about my boyfriend's dick, but it's a private joke.
How do you spot a cow?
With a bingo dabber.
You’re so short you would need a lift to kiss your bride.
If you take your dog for a walk and you BOTH use the fire hydrant down at the corner...you might be a Redneck!
What do you call expired milk?
The Milky Way.
Why does new pavement smell like butt?
In other words you can also call it asphalt.
Ass-phalt.
Do you have a halo?
'Cause I can give it to you.
What's the difference between a pizza and a guy you really hate?
One won't scream when you remove their meat.
Did you hear about the nasty tuna fish?
He was rotten to the albacore.
What do you call a bad piece of wood? Knotty.
How can you help a llama on holiday?
Alpaca your bags.
"I only eat food on the right of my plate."
"Are you good at eating?"
"I'm alright at eating."