You jokes

Do you know why dinosaurs can't eat hyenas?

Because they're dead! The last thing they ate was some rock.

What's the difference between a baby and a bowling ball?

A bowling ball doesn't cry when you put your fingers in it.

What do you get when you mix a grizzly bear and milk? Mauled.

A Russian walked into a bar... Unlucky for him I guess, in Soviet Russia, you don’t walk into bars. Bars walk into you.

I hate it when you say your life is a joke because a joke actually has meaning.

Your mama is so fat, she needs two phones to take a picture of herself.

What do you call a special needs kid with a motorcycle?

Motor disease.

The earth used to be flat until your mama was buried.

You're so fat that when they tried to print a picture of you through the computer, they couldn't fit you in the whole picture because you were so big!

You don't need a parachute to go skydiving, just to go skydiving twice.

What do you call a cute door?

Tell the person next to you to spell "me." When they do, say, "You forgot the D." They should respond with, "There is no D in ME." You say, "Not yet." If this does not go as planned, well, then you are fucked for life.

You know what’s traumatizing?

Your mom breastfeeding in front of you.

Help!

You ever notice that the USA could be a part of Russia?

RUSSIA US A

You are like a software update. Whenever I see you, I immediately think, "Not now."

What do you call someone who fixes walls?

Juan, probably.

Did you hear what happened to Lorainna Bobbit? She was in an accident on the Garden State Parkway. She told the State Police Officer, "That some dick cut her off."

If you hit an Indian person on the forehead with a dart, is it considered a bullseye?

Question: What do you say to give a woman from West Virginia a "Nice Compliment"?

Answer: You say to her: "NICE TOOTH!"

What does broccoli and sex have in common?

If you were forced to have it as a kid, you’re gonna hate it as an adult.