You jokes

What's the difference between a salad and a baby? People don't usually scream when you shake around a salad.

Your girlfriend/boyfriend says: "I'm dating your uncle..." You start crying and you look under the bed and your uncle says: "Damn."

How do you know when you have been invited to a gay barbecue?

When you are unable to distinguish foot-long hot dogs from long and thick big dicks, regardless of skin color.

Why shouldn’t you play cards in Africa?

'Cause there’s too many cheetahs.

Somebody told me that black slang is just white slang in reverse. For example:

White person: Dad, you're home!

Black person: Dad?

White person: You can keep the change.

Black person: Empty the register.

Kermit the Frog and Fozzie Bear were having a picnic.

Fozzie said, "Do you know where Ms. Piggy is? I haven't seen her all day."

Kermit said, "I don't know, but this extra bacon cheeseburger sure tastes great."

I stood in front of the mirror. "Joseph, I will love and protect you forever," my dick cooed. I looked down at it, a single crystalline tear sliding down my face. I was at peace.

A man asks God, "Hello God, why did you make my wife so dumb?"

God replies, "So she would love you..."

If your parachute fails midair, remember, you have the rest of your life to fix it.

Your hairline is so far gone that you could build a runway.

What do you think of your mom? I have to go now and tyyyytt.

How do you know if your sister's on her period?

Your dad's dick tastes funny.

What's worse than fingering your sister?

Finding your dad's wedding ring inside her.

How can you tell if your husband is dead?

The sex is the same, but you get to use the remote.

What do you call the heterosexual Michael Joseph Jackson?

Jeffrey Epstein.

Michael saw mommy kissing Santa Claus and asked her why she did that. Mommy said she was a good girl. Michael Joseph Jackson asked, "Can I be a good girl and kiss Santa Claus?" Mommy replied, "When you grow up to be a rich white woman." And now, we know the rest of the story.

Job interview: "What's your greatest weakness?"

"Honesty."

"I don't think honesty is a weakness."

"I don't give a fuck what you think."

I made an advent calendar for a Jehovah’s Witness.

Behind every door someone tells you to fuck off.

Blessed Brian, your secrets are safe with me... because I wasn’t listening when you told them.

Mum finds out child cheats in math test.

Mom says, "There is no cheating in this house."

Child: "Then why did you cheat with my math teacher last night?"

Yo, Leo, are you an interior decorator? Because when you enter a room, it becomes EMPTY!