You jokes
Two fish in a bowl. First fish asks, "Haven't I seen you around here before?"
The second fish replies, "F**k me, a talking fish!"
"I hear you asking, 'What's your favorite instrument?' The Trombone."
How do you make a tissue dance? You put a boogie in it!
Q: Get up for a chair joke!
A: Oh, never mind, you can sit down.
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Who.
Who who?
You sound like an owl.
How do you fit a hundred babies into a small bucket?
With a blender.
What do you call a midget that waves at you?
A microwave.
How do you call on a mail man who is carrying rotten fruit?
Come post!
A man walks into a bar. The corrections officer says, "Usually we open the cell before you go in, now stop bleeding on my floor!"
What do you call a belt with a watch on it?
A waist of time!
"Can you tie a knot?"
"I cannot."
"So you can knot?"
"No, I cannot knot."
"Not knot?"
"Who's there?"
"F... off!"
Roses are red, violets are blue, I have a joke, so are you.
Tell all the skeleton jokes you want, but I've got thick skin.
Doctor, what is wrong with me?
You will never be able to walk again. It ain't like with me on the field it would make the Miami Dolphins any better.
What's the difference between an onion and a dead baby?
The baby doesn't cry when you chop it.
I would tell you my jokes about pogs, but they would eventually get too boar-ing.
Hey selfish king, I see you need a girlfriend ;)
What’s the difference between 69 and High School?
In 69 you usually only kiss one c*nt and look at one a**hole.
How do you get a squirrel to be your friend?
Act like a nut.
The bell rings, and Ana was about to leave, but the teacher said, "The bell doesn't dismiss you, I do."
The next day, Ana was late, and the teacher asked, "Why are you late?" Ana replied with, "The bell doesn't tell me when I should arrive, I do."