You jokes

What do you call an orphan's family photo?

A selfie.

Do you know what the similarity between a penis and cucumber is?

They both have cum in it.

What do you call a group of ethnically diverse disabled people?

Seasoned vegetables.

What is the difference between a washing machine and a child?

The washing machine doesn't cry when you put a load in it.

Two friends fighting.

Friend 3: "Cut it out, you two!"

Friend 4: "It wouldn't help if they cut it out... Believe me... I've tried..."

What do you say to a girl with two black eyes?

Nothing, you told her twice.

What do you call frozen Ibuprofen?

A chill pill.

Did you hear about the man that got fired from his can job? It was soda-pressing.

What's the difference between an orphan and baseball?

In baseball, you know where home is.

Kid: "What's dark humor?"

Mom: "You see that man over there without arms? Tell him to clap."

Kid: "I am blind, Mom."

Mom: "Exactly."

I'm having sex with your mother. That makes me better than you.

I'm having sex with your mother. That makes me better than you.

*guitar solo*

"What do you give a man that has everything? Penicillin."

Did you hear about the new Exorcist movie? The Devil came to get the Priest out of the child.

A woman was sitting alone at a bar, and a man approached her. He asked her why she looked so sad. She responded that her boyfriend had just broken up with her because she was too kinky.

The man expressed his amazement when he admitted that his girlfriend had dumped him because of his fetishes. After a few drinks, they decided to go back to her place.

When they arrived, she told him to make himself comfortable while she freshened up. The man complied. After a long time, she burst open her bedroom door and said, "I hope you're ready!"

She stood in the doorway wearing a latex body suit and a gas mask. She had a whip in one hand, a flogger in the other hand, and a 12-inch strap-on dangling between her thighs.

The dude looked at her and said, "Thanks, but I'm good for the night!"

She said, "I thought you said that you were kinky."

The dude replied, "While you were in there, I f-cked your cat, pissed in your plants, and came on your curtains. It's been fun!"

Her: "Land of the free".

Me: *fat*

Her: What do you mean?

Me: It's not fat-free.

What did Michael say to the boy in his room at sleepovers?

"You are not alone."

What's the difference between Michael Jackson and a refrigerator?

A refrigerator doesn't toot when you put meat in it.

Son: Dad, do you remember your first blowjob?

Dad: Ohhh yeah, I do!

Son: How did it taste?

Dad: Get out.

What do you call a kid named Caitlyn?

My best friend.

Roses are red, Violets are fine, You can be the six, And I can be the nine.

You are so white even Nippon Paint tried to sign you!