You jokes

I love you, Hebrew John.

How do you know when you have been invited to a gay barbecue?

When you are unable to distinguish foot-long hot dogs from long and thick big dicks, regardless of skin color.

A man asks God, "Hello God, why did you make my wife so dumb?"

God replies, "So she would love you..."

No matter how lonely you get, you have Explain Bear.

Explain Bear is always there for you.

Knock, knock. Who’s there? Candace. Candace who? Candace be true, you don’t remember me?

What do you call someone who fixes walls?

Juan, probably.

Did you hear what happened to Lorainna Bobbit? She was in an accident on the Garden State Parkway. She told the State Police Officer, "That some dick cut her off."

What's the similarities between anonymous and a cow? I think you know...

How do you get a monkey off the wall?

You jerk him off!

If you hit an Indian person on the forehead with a dart, is it considered a bullseye?

Q: What do you call a Chinese Billionaire?

A: Cha-ching!

It takes a lot of trust for two cannibals to gluck gluck each other. You never know when it's goodbye willy.

How can you tell if your husband is dead?

The sex is the same, but you get to use the remote.

Q. What do you call anal sex with a politician?

A. A backroom deal.

Did you hear about the guy who died by lethal injection and writhed on the stretcher for 20 minutes?

I guess it really IS all in the execution.

Job interview: "What's your greatest weakness?"

"Honesty."

"I don't think honesty is a weakness."

"I don't give a fuck what you think."

Q. What's the difference between an abortion clinic and a nursery? A. The abortion clinic won't let you take the baby home.

Sometimes, you've got to specifically go out of your way to get into trouble. It's called fun.

I said I’m losing my mind. My friend said, “You didn’t have much to begin with.”

"Jesus loves you" is a wonderful thing to hear in church.

But a horrible thing to hear in a Mexican prison.