You jokes
Say what you want against pedophiles, but they slow down in school zones.
The Pope and Donald Trump are on stage in front of a huge crowd.
The Pope leaned towards Trump and said, “Do you know that with one little wave of my hand I can make every person in this crowd go wild with joy? This joy will not be a momentary display, like that of your followers, but go deep into their hearts and for the rest of their lives. Whenever they speak of this day, they will rejoice!”
Trump replies, “I seriously doubt that. With one little wave of your hand? Show me!”
So the Pope slapped him.
What do you call the people in the Challenger explosion?
Ashtraynauts.
Jason: Did you hear about the storm-trooper who attempted suicide?
Dave: No.
Jason: Well, he hit his first target.
What do you call two Mexicans playing basketball? Juan on Juan.
What do you call a Mexican Baptism?
Bean Dip.
In the average room, there are about 2,894,638 items that Chuck Norris can use to kill you, including the room itself.
What do you call a creepy IT teacher?
A PDF file.
Why can't you solve a murder in Alabama?
All the DNA is identical and there are no dental records.
What do you call two Mexicans at a country restaurant? "Two beaners in a cracker house."
Me, trying to interact with people: “Hey, are you a rope? Because I really wanna HANG with you.”
Person I’m talking to: *Pulling out phone to call suicide hotline* “haha what.”
What do you call a virgin in Alabama? An orphan.
Business Interview With Depression Inside my brain...
Me: So... You're new? Depression: (I don't know who he is yet) mHMMMmmm! Me: Well what are your skills? Depression: Oh, taking control and leading... You know... Me: What are you trying out for? Depression: Oh, Vice Leader of Negative Thoughts. Me: Well we do need someone over there- for somewhat reason nobody wanted that job... Me: How did you know about us? Depression: Oh- I knew because of Anxiety, you know, we're friends! Me: Interesting... (Still has no idea about Anxiety and it's problemos) Me: Well I think you're signed up! I'll give you the job! Depression: tHaNKS :)
AND THATS HOW MY LIFE GOT DESTROYED :]
What is the difference between a truck full of bowling balls and a truck full of babies?
You can't unload a truck full of bowling balls with a pitchfork.
Did you hear about the man who ran in front of the bus? He got tired.
How do you get my neighbor out of their tree?
You untie the rope.
How do you verify a rape claim? You make it true.
What's the difference between my dad and cancer? Cancer doesn't leave you.
What do you call a Russian tree?
Dimitree.
What's the difference between a hooker and a mosquito?
The mosquito stops sucking after you slap it.