You jokes

My mom asked, "Why are you so depressed? It could be worse. You could be Tracy Latimer."

I replied, "I wish I were Tracy Latimer because then someone would kill me."

What do you say when a person trips?

You say, "Why you trippin'?"

Me: Mom, can I have some makeup?

Mom: No. You are beautiful just the way you are.

Me: So that’s why you wear makeup?

What is the difference between an orphan and a TV?

One has more channels.

Genie: You cannot wish for more wishes, immortality, or love.

Man: I wish not to die a virgin.

Genie: I just said no wishing for immortality!

What do you call a dog magician?

A labracadabrador.

One morning a dad was sitting and watching TV.

His daughter comes in and says, "Dad! Why is my name Rose?" He replied, "Oh! It's because when you were born, a rose petal fell on your head." "Cool," Rose said.

The second daughter walked in and said, "Dad! Why is my name Daisy?" He replied, "Oh! It's because when you were a baby, a daisy petal fell on your head." "Awesome," Daisy said.

The third daughter came in and said, "DuUuUDeEeEeDrrrrrrrrr!!!" "SHUT UP, CINDER BLOCK!!!"

If you are a robot, you cannot talk.

I'd tell you a joke about pizza, but it was too cheesy.

How do you get an orphan's hands to bleed?

Tell him to clap until his parents come home!

What do you call your sister who only has one leg?

Ei-lean.

Do you have dark humor?

Actually, never mind. I was going to tell you a joke about babies dying... but I decided to abort.

So my sister was eating Now&Laters, and I continuously heard smacking sounds. So I told her, "Can you stop smacking? It's annoying." Then she said, "I can't, it's a juicy type of candy." So I said, "I can stop the candies from making that sound." Then she said, "How?" So I smacked her. :)

Roses are red, violets are blue, I don't wanna say this, but nobody cares about you.

What do you call that useless piece of skin that goes all the way around a pussy?

A woman!

Q: What do you call a rich Asian? A: Dr.

What do people use more than you that is yours?

Your forehead is so big that you can see the whole world before you do!

How do you name a Chinese kid?

Throw a frying pan on their head, "Ching Chong!"

Julie: What's the difference between a chimp and a pizza?

John: I don't know.

Julie: Remind me not to send you to the store...