You jokes

What’s something Bill Cosby and Freddy Krueger have in common?

Once you fall asleep, you’re fucked.

Damn boy, you must be Nick Cannon because you don’t know when or how to stop.

Wanna play dolls?

I can be Ken, and you can be the box I come in.

You know you are from China when you use rice instead of glue.

What do you call a group of Daveons? A "daveon-ation."

I arrived at a restaurant early and the manager said, "Do you mind waiting a bit?" I said, "I don’t mind," and he said, "OK. Take these trays to table 9."

What does Yoda say when he’s at the strip club?

"Dirty bitch, you are."

Did you hear Palpatine is sewing Nike?

Stole his slogan, just do it!

What do you call plane crash victims?

Down to earth people.

I would tell you a joke about pizza, but it was too cheesy.

How do you break up two blind guys fighting?

Yell, "My money's on the guy with the knife!"

One spelling mistake can completely ruin your marriage.

I accidentally texted my wife, "I’m having a wonderful time. I wish you were her."

How do you make the grass cut itself?

Make it depressed.

What is faster, hot or cold?

Hot, because you can catch a cold.

What do you call a white woman working at an all black company?

Crack/her

What’s something you can say at the funeral but also in bed?

"Damn, that's really stiff!"

What do you get when you cross a rapper with an accountant?

A money manager who counts bars.

Roses are red, violets are blue. I have five fingers, two of them are for you.

I have to file a complaint against Spotify because I didn’t see you on my hot singles last week.

You know what’s traumatizing?

Your mom breastfeeding in front of you.

Help!